Humor
The Cave Journey to Freedom and Glory
By Chloe Zheng
An escape journey through the loose tile on the ceiling of the third-floor gym.
In Memory of Cherished Snow Days
By Victor Ma
This is an eulogy to snow days, highlighting everything good (and bad) about them until their recent termination after COVID.
Stuyvesant Politics: Pen or Pencil
Stuyvesant experiences a turbulent political climate as a conflict arises over pen vs. pencil.
Programming Office Accidentally Issues Tolerable Schedule
By Matthew Chen
Junior Avery Jones receives a slightly better schedule than usual. An exclusive look into the programming office explains the consequences.
The Top Five Places to Use Your Phone in School
By Diya Mallu
A guide for desperate students experiencing doomscrolling withdrawal.
What Lies Between the Cracks: An Investigation of the Pooping Perp
A detailed investigative report of the Fugitive Flatulator.
How to Get StuyFit on Zero Workout Time
This satirical guide explains how minimal effort during the school day can keep you fit at Stuy—no extra time required.
The Alpha-Ntastical Effects of Being a Huzz Magnet
By Chloe Zheng
A friend’s perspective of Y/N’s problem-filled life as a huzz magnet.
How well could Stuyvesant defend a Bastion Fort?
By Kevin Weng
How effectively could the entirety of Stuyvesant High School’s student body successfully defend a bastion fort in the Eighty Years’ War?
Things to be Grateful for this Thanksgiving
By Eva Kastoun, Maria Tzanova, Rona Wassercug
The Spectator comes in clutch yet again with a list of suggestions for you to absolutely mog all the unprepared losers at your family gathering. Did they even study for this? What were they doing, gooning?
11 Proposals to Guarantee Your Election as Mayor
Your policies if you were the mayor of New York City
Planet Stuy: The Dean
The following documentary details the dean, a creature that stalks the halls of Stuyvesant, hunting students for their phones.
Over 20 Halloween Challenges (IMPOSSIBLE)
The Humor Department’s best advice to a spooky and funny Halloween… (ghost sounds)
The Holy Grail to a Sane 2026
By Manya Gautam
Tired of unattainable resolutions as a stress-loaded student? We got you!
New Year’s Resolutions for You, Your Friends, and Everyone Else
By Jake Chan
A selection of New Year’s resolutions based on traditional Stuy stereotypes
New York City Mayoral Candidates - Where Are They Now?
By Miro Lerner
Where have the NYC 2025 mayoral candidates been since the election?
Four Days of Paltry Poultry and Foul Fowls
By Nicole Lui
Top four items to bring to your Thanksgiving potluck while you await Christmas and break out into song.
French Teachers from Elite Stuyvesant High School Caught Red Handed in Louvre Heist—New Fork Toast EXCLUSIVE
By Dinara Gargu, Noa Salas Adam, Stella Krajka
New footage shows the beloved French teachers at the scene of the crime.
Open Haunt: A Stuyvesant High Scare
By Florence Wu, Iman Nawaz, Matthew Chen, Zobia Syed
13-year-old Rowena thought an Open House meant cool high school science labs and free snacks. Little did she know that a seemingly innocent visit would turn into endless face-to-face encounters with unexpected greetings from the supernatural at Stuyvesant’s Fall Open House. As the world around her slowly twists into a real-life horror story, Rowena has to face the question that no sane 13-year-old should ever ask themselves—could her dream high school be haunted?
The College Essay That Got Me Into Every Ivy
The best personal statement ever (guaranteed admission into any school).
BREAKING: SLIWA EXPOSED! What is REALLY Under the Beret?
The Spectator’s investigation into Curtis Sliwa’s ratical agenda.
Programming Office Releases New Schedules on Halloween
The programming office has decided to give everyone Halloween-themed schedules!
Who Says That Only Human Ghosts Can Come Back?
By Selina Lin
The spirits of all creatures happen to come back on Halloween night.
The Twelve Stages of Stuy Students
Every September marks a new year at Stuyvesant, and as the year unfolds, the cycle starts again. One piece of advice: brace yourself.
Ridiculous Ways to Solve Real Problems
By John Zeng
How to solve climate change, war, and world hunger effectively
Our Top Three Fall Recipes for Stuy Students
The Stuyvesant Spectator is not responsible for any adverse effects of the following recipes.
Title: “Invisible No Longer!”: Ghosts Unionize for Safer Haunting Conditions
The undead deserve rights too! Ghosts across the U.S. and Canada strike after centuries of unfair haunting.
The Cave Journey to Freedom and Glory
By Chloe Zheng
An escape journey through the loose tile on the ceiling of the third-floor gym.
In Memory of Cherished Snow Days
By Victor Ma
This is an eulogy to snow days, highlighting everything good (and bad) about them until their recent termination after COVID.
Stuyvesant Politics: Pen or Pencil
Stuyvesant experiences a turbulent political climate as a conflict arises over pen vs. pencil.
Programming Office Accidentally Issues Tolerable Schedule
By Matthew Chen
Junior Avery Jones receives a slightly better schedule than usual. An exclusive look into the programming office explains the consequences.
The Holy Grail to a Sane 2026
By Manya Gautam
Tired of unattainable resolutions as a stress-loaded student? We got you!
The Top Five Places to Use Your Phone in School
By Diya Mallu
A guide for desperate students experiencing doomscrolling withdrawal.
New Year’s Resolutions for You, Your Friends, and Everyone Else
By Jake Chan
A selection of New Year’s resolutions based on traditional Stuy stereotypes
What Lies Between the Cracks: An Investigation of the Pooping Perp
A detailed investigative report of the Fugitive Flatulator.
How to Get StuyFit on Zero Workout Time
This satirical guide explains how minimal effort during the school day can keep you fit at Stuy—no extra time required.
The Alpha-Ntastical Effects of Being a Huzz Magnet
By Chloe Zheng
A friend’s perspective of Y/N’s problem-filled life as a huzz magnet.
New York City Mayoral Candidates - Where Are They Now?
By Miro Lerner
Where have the NYC 2025 mayoral candidates been since the election?
How well could Stuyvesant defend a Bastion Fort?
By Kevin Weng
How effectively could the entirety of Stuyvesant High School’s student body successfully defend a bastion fort in the Eighty Years’ War?
Four Days of Paltry Poultry and Foul Fowls
By Nicole Lui
Top four items to bring to your Thanksgiving potluck while you await Christmas and break out into song.
Things to be Grateful for this Thanksgiving
By Eva Kastoun, Maria Tzanova, Rona Wassercug
The Spectator comes in clutch yet again with a list of suggestions for you to absolutely mog all the unprepared losers at your family gathering. Did they even study for this? What were they doing, gooning?
11 Proposals to Guarantee Your Election as Mayor
Your policies if you were the mayor of New York City
Planet Stuy: The Dean
The following documentary details the dean, a creature that stalks the halls of Stuyvesant, hunting students for their phones.
Over 20 Halloween Challenges (IMPOSSIBLE)
The Humor Department’s best advice to a spooky and funny Halloween… (ghost sounds)
A Disgustingly Detailed Report on the Origins, Effects, and Impacts of 67
For all the confused teachers or non-chronically online students, we at The Spectator’s Humor Department have formed a definitive guide to any and all of your “6-7” questions.
White House Cracks Down on Trick-or-Treaters in Response to “Offensive Halloween Costumes”
By Selina Lin
The White House responds to children’s “offensive Halloween costumes.”
French Teachers from Elite Stuyvesant High School Caught Red Handed in Louvre Heist—New Fork Toast EXCLUSIVE
By Dinara Gargu, Noa Salas Adam, Stella Krajka
New footage shows the beloved French teachers at the scene of the crime.
Open Haunt: A Stuyvesant High Scare
By Florence Wu, Iman Nawaz, Matthew Chen, Zobia Syed
13-year-old Rowena thought an Open House meant cool high school science labs and free snacks. Little did she know that a seemingly innocent visit would turn into endless face-to-face encounters with unexpected greetings from the supernatural at Stuyvesant’s Fall Open House. As the world around her slowly twists into a real-life horror story, Rowena has to face the question that no sane 13-year-old should ever ask themselves—could her dream high school be haunted?
The College Essay That Got Me Into Every Ivy
The best personal statement ever (guaranteed admission into any school).
BREAKING: SLIWA EXPOSED! What is REALLY Under the Beret?
The Spectator’s investigation into Curtis Sliwa’s ratical agenda.
Programming Office Releases New Schedules on Halloween
The programming office has decided to give everyone Halloween-themed schedules!
Who Says That Only Human Ghosts Can Come Back?
By Selina Lin
The spirits of all creatures happen to come back on Halloween night.
The Twelve Stages of Stuy Students
Every September marks a new year at Stuyvesant, and as the year unfolds, the cycle starts again. One piece of advice: brace yourself.
Ridiculous Ways to Solve Real Problems
By John Zeng
How to solve climate change, war, and world hunger effectively
Our Top Three Fall Recipes for Stuy Students
The Stuyvesant Spectator is not responsible for any adverse effects of the following recipes.
Title: “Invisible No Longer!”: Ghosts Unionize for Safer Haunting Conditions
The undead deserve rights too! Ghosts across the U.S. and Canada strike after centuries of unfair haunting.
How Are the Fat Bears Faring After Fat Bear Week?
By Selina Lin
The bears of Katmai National Park after Fat Bear Week.
Exposing the Underground Electronics Network at Stuyvesant High School
We conduct an investigation into the dirty secrets of suspicious device-use in Stuyvesant High School.