Humor
Programming Office Pandemonium
The programming office has just announced their changes to the course selection process! Here’s all you need to know…
risoned At Stuyvesant
By Muhib Muhib
Trump will get a new prison cell at Stuyvesant High School, and somehow it’s the worst prison cell in history.
Robotic Rats Rebellion?!?!
By Lina Zheng
A kid tried taking over school with robotic rats unsuccessfully.
The Chances of Alien Invasion are High, but Our Percentage of Brainrot is Higher
By Fiona Chen
Aliens exist and seem to have hostile intentions against our race, but our recent astronomically high levels of brainrot have left these aliens unsure of whether or not to put their doomsday plan into motion.
4 Ways the Minnesota Timberwolves Could Have Won the Western Conference Finals
By Aahan Shah
If these situations occurred, the Timberwolves would’ve had a better chance at winning the Conference Finals.
The Rise and Fall of the Stuyvesant Floor
By Ryan Peng
The floors of Stuyvesant host a revolution due to their terrible treatment! Will the Stuyvesant community “step up” to the occasion, or will their plans fall out from under them, just like the floor?
Are You a True Stuy Student?
It is time to say goodbye to the Stuyvesant class of ‘24. But before they go, they have to take this quiz to see if they really lived up to their true “Stuy-potential”.
Hundreds Left in Shock Post-Camp Stuy
By Jai Shah
The Big Sibs are only responsible for like 63.7 percent of this.
An Anthology of Accounts Associated with the Dealer of IDs
a mysterious fake ID dealer sells ids to unsuspecting customers.
Pains of Prom
With junior and senior prom in a few weeks, the Spectator asks the Stuyvesant community about what they look forward to about the event.
One of Those Rare Times When You Shouldn’t Play the Triangle
A teacher isn’t sure what to do with the five students left in his class, and decides to keep them entertained in various ways.
Top 5 Ways to Escape From Junior Prom
JProm sounds great until you’re stranded in the middle of the Hudson River with no way to get out. Here are your top 5 ways to fix said dilemma!
Ethos, Logos, and Pathos Walk Into a (Senior) Bar…
Rhetorical strategies are all around you. Sometimes they hold meetings on Tuesdays.
Raiders of the Lost Report Card
A PI enters an abandoned Stuyvesant in hopes of finding a rumored treasure on the 11th floor.
Prom Night Perfume: Which Scent Is For You?
Find out what the way you smell like reveals about who you are.
Terminat[ing] Traffic Congestion
By Jai Shah
I for one, welcome our new traffic overlord (please don’t financially ruin me).
From Fires to Wi-fi Woes: The Stuyvesant Mystery of the Century
By Eva Kastoun
Fires, no AC, and bad Wi-Fi, the Stuyvesant administration is hiding something from us. Here’s what we found out…
What You Should Eat for Lunch Based Off of Your AP
By Madelyn Li Nunez, Malk Agha
An accurate list of things you’re probably eating for lunch based on your AP class.
The things i do to pay for my $270 senior prom ticket
By Erica Liu
I bring a horse as my date to senior prom.
Filling the Graduation Cube
By Erica Liu
The CCP chooses what to put inside the co2024 graduation cube.
Gouda-Bye, Big Sibs
By Daniella Solomon, Sasha Ruinsky
A log of a Big Sib interview gone horribly wrong. And a story of love, loss, and cheese.
Internet Troubles Trouble Stuy
Stuyvesant students and teachers explain their experiences with not being able to access the internet after Spring Break.
Graphing Calculator Bugs Appearing All Over the Student Body
By Aahan Shah
The graphing calculators are causing academic disaster.
APocalypse: Dawn of the Exams
By Diya Mallu
Reason behind AP exams found to be…controlling Zombie outbreaks?!
What New York Animal Are You?
Find out what animal best fits your personality after answering these 10 questions!
Heyday of a Hardened Halal Cart Criminal
By Selina Lin
The life of a halal cart driver on the run from the law.
Students Explain What They Did On the SAT Day
By Mark Ionis
What does a day in the life of a Stuy student look like when there's no classes to restrain them?
Yes to the Dress? No, THE SUIT IS MOOT!
By Eshaal Ubaid
In light of a fairly niche senior prom theme, some students are excited to glam up! Others, however, have some more unconventionality up their sleeves…
Inside the Stuyvesant Speech & Debate Team
By Eshaal Ubaid
We sent special investigators into the speech & debate team, perhaps to uncover their unnerving secrets.
College Board Changes AP Spanish Test, Leaves Students Baffled
By Selina Lin, Tamiyyah Shafiq
College Board suddenly changes the AP Spanish exam to focus on Dora the Explorer.
risoned At Stuyvesant
By Muhib Muhib
Trump will get a new prison cell at Stuyvesant High School, and somehow it’s the worst prison cell in history.
Robotic Rats Rebellion?!?!
By Lina Zheng
A kid tried taking over school with robotic rats unsuccessfully.
The Chances of Alien Invasion are High, but Our Percentage of Brainrot is Higher
By Fiona Chen
Aliens exist and seem to have hostile intentions against our race, but our recent astronomically high levels of brainrot have left these aliens unsure of whether or not to put their doomsday plan into motion.
4 Ways the Minnesota Timberwolves Could Have Won the Western Conference Finals
By Aahan Shah
If these situations occurred, the Timberwolves would’ve had a better chance at winning the Conference Finals.
The things i do to pay for my $270 senior prom ticket
By Erica Liu
I bring a horse as my date to senior prom.
The Rise and Fall of the Stuyvesant Floor
By Ryan Peng
The floors of Stuyvesant host a revolution due to their terrible treatment! Will the Stuyvesant community “step up” to the occasion, or will their plans fall out from under them, just like the floor?
Are You a True Stuy Student?
It is time to say goodbye to the Stuyvesant class of ‘24. But before they go, they have to take this quiz to see if they really lived up to their true “Stuy-potential”.
Hundreds Left in Shock Post-Camp Stuy
By Jai Shah
The Big Sibs are only responsible for like 63.7 percent of this.
An Anthology of Accounts Associated with the Dealer of IDs
a mysterious fake ID dealer sells ids to unsuspecting customers.
Pains of Prom
With junior and senior prom in a few weeks, the Spectator asks the Stuyvesant community about what they look forward to about the event.
One of Those Rare Times When You Shouldn’t Play the Triangle
A teacher isn’t sure what to do with the five students left in his class, and decides to keep them entertained in various ways.
Top 5 Ways to Escape From Junior Prom
JProm sounds great until you’re stranded in the middle of the Hudson River with no way to get out. Here are your top 5 ways to fix said dilemma!
Ethos, Logos, and Pathos Walk Into a (Senior) Bar…
Rhetorical strategies are all around you. Sometimes they hold meetings on Tuesdays.
Raiders of the Lost Report Card
A PI enters an abandoned Stuyvesant in hopes of finding a rumored treasure on the 11th floor.
Prom Night Perfume: Which Scent Is For You?
Find out what the way you smell like reveals about who you are.
Terminat[ing] Traffic Congestion
By Jai Shah
I for one, welcome our new traffic overlord (please don’t financially ruin me).
From Fires to Wi-fi Woes: The Stuyvesant Mystery of the Century
By Eva Kastoun
Fires, no AC, and bad Wi-Fi, the Stuyvesant administration is hiding something from us. Here’s what we found out…
What You Should Eat for Lunch Based Off of Your AP
By Madelyn Li Nunez, Malk Agha
An accurate list of things you’re probably eating for lunch based on your AP class.
Filling the Graduation Cube
By Erica Liu
The CCP chooses what to put inside the co2024 graduation cube.
Gouda-Bye, Big Sibs
By Daniella Solomon, Sasha Ruinsky
A log of a Big Sib interview gone horribly wrong. And a story of love, loss, and cheese.
Programming Office Pandemonium
The programming office has just announced their changes to the course selection process! Here’s all you need to know…
Internet Troubles Trouble Stuy
Stuyvesant students and teachers explain their experiences with not being able to access the internet after Spring Break.
Graphing Calculator Bugs Appearing All Over the Student Body
By Aahan Shah
The graphing calculators are causing academic disaster.
APocalypse: Dawn of the Exams
By Diya Mallu
Reason behind AP exams found to be…controlling Zombie outbreaks?!
This Is What I Wrote Instead of Studying for AP Psych
By Erica Liu
Two students present psychology demonstrations to an audience.
It’s Time to Lock In: Tips For All Your AP Exams
By Michelle Huang, Tamiyyah Shafiq
IT’S TIME TO LOCK IN FOR YOUR AP EXAMS AHHHHH
What New York Animal Are You?
Find out what animal best fits your personality after answering these 10 questions!
Heyday of a Hardened Halal Cart Criminal
By Selina Lin
The life of a halal cart driver on the run from the law.
Students Explain What They Did On the SAT Day
By Mark Ionis
What does a day in the life of a Stuy student look like when there's no classes to restrain them?
Yes to the Dress? No, THE SUIT IS MOOT!
By Eshaal Ubaid
In light of a fairly niche senior prom theme, some students are excited to glam up! Others, however, have some more unconventionality up their sleeves…
Inside the Stuyvesant Speech & Debate Team
By Eshaal Ubaid
We sent special investigators into the speech & debate team, perhaps to uncover their unnerving secrets.