Humor
Villainous Valentine Vendettas: What REALLY Happens to the Gifts That Never Make it to Your Homerooms
The truth of what happened to the Valentine’s gifts that never made it to your homeroom is finally revealed.
A Snackless Stuy: Eric Adams’s Budget Cuts Forces School to Sell All Vending Machines
By Eshaal Ubaid
The DOE’s budget cuts force Stuy to sell all of its vending machines, the lifeline of fast-paced and hungry students.
The Escalator Disaster
The Humor Department investigates the sinister cause of malfunctioning escalators.
Real Date v.s. AI Partner: Which One is Better?
Comparing and contrasting a real significant other with an AI chatbot to see which is better.
From the Mayor’s Office: Goodbye to Cookies, Reading, and Staten Island
Mayor Adams, if you can read this, please don’t take away our milk.
How to Get Disowned by Your Children: Worst Holiday Gifts EVER The Spectator / Humor / Issue 10
By Aahan Shah
Describing the five worst Christmas gifts people got.
Best Ultimate Rizz Lines to Get You a Girlfriend or Boyfriend
By Fiona 'Eve' Lin, Maisha Thakur
Focus Sentence:
Tips To Get Your College Recs: Fail-Safe for the Fools
By Daniella Solomon, Sasha Ruinsky
Follow these six fail-safe tips to get the college recommendation letter of your dreams.
A Stuy Guide to Mastering Your New Year’s Resolutions
A comprehensive guide to accomplishing all your goals for the New Year!
The Top Secret Rizzy Basement Dweller Lab
As one of the top-ranking high schools in New York, anyone would expect Stuyvesant students to be the smartest high school students there are, but recent leakage of top-secret research claims that their knowledge is all artificial and that there’s a catch to these intelligent workaholics.
Elf Protest Against Santa Start Amidst Allegations of Workshop Mistreatment
By Selina Lin
Elves gathered in demonstrations across the North Pole to protest poor working conditions in Santa’s Workshop.
An Investigation Into Missing People During the Holiday Season
By Alex Zheng
Investigating the disappearance of short people this Christmas season!
Half Floor Renovated to Become Whole Floor
By Erica Liu
Freshman caucus co-president and cameraman film a video tour of the newly renovated Whole Half Floor.
Are Leap Years Real? Scientists Want You to Think That!
By Selina Lin
Scientists invented leap years in order to get more vacation time.
Big Sib Program Expands To Include Parental Roles
By Erica Liu
The Big Sib Program expands to include parental roles.
The Rizzler’s Revenge
By Diya Mallu
A Stuyvesant high school student, fed up with love, tries to cause magical hatred, only to have his plan backfire horribly.
Opposite Day
By Jake Chan
A burnt-out Stuyvesant student ends up in a Stuy completely different than the one they know.
Santa or Satan?
Sending a letter to Santa at 3 a.m. gone wrong? (GONE WRONG) (POLICE CALLED) (SATAN CAME TO MY HOUSE!)
Humor Editor Exposé
By Gabriella Hoefner, Virgenya Zhu
An investigation into the new editors of the Spectator Humor department— and their deep, dark secrets.
The Nightmares Before Christmas
Various modifications are made to the school to get everyone into that nice holiday spirit! What could possibly go wrong?
The Perfect Christmas Wishlist
A guide to what your Christmas wishlist should look like, plus alternatives in case Santa doesn’t feel too generous this year…
Stuyvesant Student Wins City Council Race
By Muhib Muhib
A Stuyvesant student unexpectedly wins a city council race by write-in votes and the city and the Stuyvesant community are shocked.
Totally Outta Pocket: Quotes from Stuyvesant Teachers
By Eshaal Ubaid
A crowdsourced montage of wise words from our dearest educators!
What Your Favorite Formula One Driver Says About You (Part One)
In honor of the 2022-2023 Formula One season coming to an end, it is time to find out what your favorite Formula One driver says about you.
New Club Spotlight: The Stuy Clock-Slowers
By Erica Liu
Members of the Stuy Clock-Slowers club crawl through the school’s vents to change the speed of the school clocks for various reasons.
The Real Reason For Two-Factor Verification
The Spectator investigates a possible reason for the mandated two-factor verification policy.
BREAKING NEWS: Group of Freshman Dress up as the 7-9 escalator for Halloween Subtitle: Get walked all over on in the traditional Freshman fashion
This Halloween, a group of Freshman break free from their usual gym-clothing attire to dress up as the 7-9 escalator.
Wild Turkeys and Witches Threaten School Safety
By Aahan Shah
Turkeys and witches are threatening Stuyvesant students.
Thanksgiving? What Thanksgiving? You’re Just Making Things Up
A CEO wants to make money off of Christmas and decides to gaslight the whole country into getting a head start on holiday preparations—at the expense of Thanksgiving.
The Spectator Investigates the Disbandment of the Big Sib Program
The sudden shutdown of the Big Sib program has led to much confusion amongst the student body.
Four Ways to Lower Your Healthcare Expenses
By Fiona Chen
Want to know how to reduce your healthcare expenses because Google says improper healthcare spending hurts the country? Good, this is for you.
Writing Your SSR: One That Worked
By Michelle Huang, Tamiyyah Shafiq
Every junior student submits an SSR (Secondary School Report) form to help their guidance counselor write an SSR for them for colleges. Here is one SSR that worked.
Half Floor Renovated to Become Whole Floor
By Erica Liu
Freshman caucus co-president and cameraman film a video tour of the newly renovated Whole Half Floor.
Villainous Valentine Vendettas: What REALLY Happens to the Gifts That Never Make it to Your Homerooms
The truth of what happened to the Valentine’s gifts that never made it to your homeroom is finally revealed.
A Snackless Stuy: Eric Adams’s Budget Cuts Forces School to Sell All Vending Machines
By Eshaal Ubaid
The DOE’s budget cuts force Stuy to sell all of its vending machines, the lifeline of fast-paced and hungry students.
Are Leap Years Real? Scientists Want You to Think That!
By Selina Lin
Scientists invented leap years in order to get more vacation time.
The Escalator Disaster
The Humor Department investigates the sinister cause of malfunctioning escalators.
Big Sib Program Expands To Include Parental Roles
By Erica Liu
The Big Sib Program expands to include parental roles.
The Rizzler’s Revenge
By Diya Mallu
A Stuyvesant high school student, fed up with love, tries to cause magical hatred, only to have his plan backfire horribly.
Real Date v.s. AI Partner: Which One is Better?
Comparing and contrasting a real significant other with an AI chatbot to see which is better.
From the Mayor’s Office: Goodbye to Cookies, Reading, and Staten Island
Mayor Adams, if you can read this, please don’t take away our milk.
Opposite Day
By Jake Chan
A burnt-out Stuyvesant student ends up in a Stuy completely different than the one they know.
How to Get Disowned by Your Children: Worst Holiday Gifts EVER The Spectator / Humor / Issue 10
By Aahan Shah
Describing the five worst Christmas gifts people got.
Best Ultimate Rizz Lines to Get You a Girlfriend or Boyfriend
By Fiona 'Eve' Lin, Maisha Thakur
Focus Sentence:
Tips To Get Your College Recs: Fail-Safe for the Fools
By Daniella Solomon, Sasha Ruinsky
Follow these six fail-safe tips to get the college recommendation letter of your dreams.
Santa or Satan?
Sending a letter to Santa at 3 a.m. gone wrong? (GONE WRONG) (POLICE CALLED) (SATAN CAME TO MY HOUSE!)
A Stuy Guide to Mastering Your New Year’s Resolutions
A comprehensive guide to accomplishing all your goals for the New Year!
Humor Editor Exposé
By Gabriella Hoefner, Virgenya Zhu
An investigation into the new editors of the Spectator Humor department— and their deep, dark secrets.
The Top Secret Rizzy Basement Dweller Lab
As one of the top-ranking high schools in New York, anyone would expect Stuyvesant students to be the smartest high school students there are, but recent leakage of top-secret research claims that their knowledge is all artificial and that there’s a catch to these intelligent workaholics.
Elf Protest Against Santa Start Amidst Allegations of Workshop Mistreatment
By Selina Lin
Elves gathered in demonstrations across the North Pole to protest poor working conditions in Santa’s Workshop.
The Nightmares Before Christmas
Various modifications are made to the school to get everyone into that nice holiday spirit! What could possibly go wrong?
An Investigation Into Missing People During the Holiday Season
By Alex Zheng
Investigating the disappearance of short people this Christmas season!
Santa Goes on Strike
Santa goes on strike, so the elves attempt to deliver the toys this holiday season.
The Santa Who Stole Christmas
By Diya Mallu
A Stuyvesant student wakes up on Christmas morning with no presents and decides to go to the North Pole to argue with Santa for them.
The Perfect Christmas Wishlist
A guide to what your Christmas wishlist should look like, plus alternatives in case Santa doesn’t feel too generous this year…
Becoming The Grinch: The Limited Edition Guide to Saving Christmas
By Karen Chen
The Grinch’s guidebook explains three ways to save Christmas (for yourself).
New Club Spotlight: The Stuy Clock-Slowers
By Erica Liu
Members of the Stuy Clock-Slowers club crawl through the school’s vents to change the speed of the school clocks for various reasons.
The Real Reason For Two-Factor Verification
The Spectator investigates a possible reason for the mandated two-factor verification policy.
Stuyvesant Student Wins City Council Race
By Muhib Muhib
A Stuyvesant student unexpectedly wins a city council race by write-in votes and the city and the Stuyvesant community are shocked.
Totally Outta Pocket: Quotes from Stuyvesant Teachers
By Eshaal Ubaid
A crowdsourced montage of wise words from our dearest educators!
BREAKING NEWS: Group of Freshman Dress up as the 7-9 escalator for Halloween Subtitle: Get walked all over on in the traditional Freshman fashion
This Halloween, a group of Freshman break free from their usual gym-clothing attire to dress up as the 7-9 escalator.
Wild Turkeys and Witches Threaten School Safety
By Aahan Shah
Turkeys and witches are threatening Stuyvesant students.
Thanksgiving? What Thanksgiving? You’re Just Making Things Up
A CEO wants to make money off of Christmas and decides to gaslight the whole country into getting a head start on holiday preparations—at the expense of Thanksgiving.
The Spectator Investigates the Disbandment of the Big Sib Program
The sudden shutdown of the Big Sib program has led to much confusion amongst the student body.
What Your Favorite Formula One Driver Says About You (Part One)
In honor of the 2022-2023 Formula One season coming to an end, it is time to find out what your favorite Formula One driver says about you.