Humor
Stuyvesant Students Under Investigation for Series of Car Accidents Over Summer
These gosh-darn student drivers keep getting into car accidents.
Slim Winnings, Strong Hopes
By Selina Lin
As the spotted lanternfly invasion persists, hope and morale remain strong at the frontlines.
Stuyvesant High v120.0: Updates and Patches
The new update of the game Stuyvesant High School has just been released (‘23-‘24 version); here are all the modifications to last year’s version that you should be aware of.
The Stuyvesant ABCs (Superior Version)
By Freda Dong
The incoming fresh meat might find this incredibly useful.
Spray the Freshmen Away
An exterminator is hired to take care of an unusual infestation at Stuyvesant.
Waystar Royco’s Cruise
By Aniket Roy
A funny story of my encounter with elderly women on a cruise trip.
DOE Releases New School Lunch Menu!
An introduction to the new foods being added to the lunch menu and a little more about each of them.
Teacher Talk: The Indecipherable (Non-)Romance Language
By Erica Chen, Ryan Peng, Lina Zheng
A dictionary for the most frequent teacher sayings, and what they really mean!
Homo Stuyvesantians: The Next Stuy Generation
One stuffy biology class, a student has a dream about a new species evolving from Stuyvesant students…and it’s filled with sleep deprivation and ramen.
THAT DOLL CRAZE
By Benson Chen
We’ve interviewed a few major doll companies to see what their selling points are for their toys.
New AP Courses Being Offered at Stuyvesant Next Year
An introduction to the new AP classes offered for the upcoming school year, and students’ reactions to them.
Sorry, I’m an Elaborate Romantic
Are you still torturing yourself trying to come up with a plan to give that special someone the night of their life (and yours)? Here are some tried-and-true ways to ask your future significant other to PROM!
Dear Incoming Class of 2027…THE SPECTATOR HAS ADVICE!
By Tamiyyah Shafiq, Madelyn Li Nunez
The Spectator gives a warm welcome to the Class of 2027.
The Movies of Hot Girl Summer
By Virgenya Zhu, Gabriella Hoefner
Our brutally honest opinions on summer 2023 movies.
Uninvited, Unlicensed Adult by the Name of “Ken” Runs Wild at Stuy
By Adeline Sauberli, Sasha Ruinsky
There’s a new exciting hire at Stuyvesant High School this year, and his Kenergy is almost too much to bear. Embark on this Kenerific journey to witness Ken’s spectacular antics, read in horror as he creates new classes, and maybe shed a few tears at his glorious words of Kisdom.
Best Study Habits
Many students are taking their first regents exams this week, or perhaps their first end-of-year final exams. I’ve been generous enough to share my wisdom through this article enumerating my top tips and tricks to get hundreds (or above!) on all your finals. Art request: a pile or scatter of completed exams with really high grades at the top (97-105)
How NOT to Get a College Rec
By Eshaal Ubaid
College is in, desperation is out: here’s what you should NOT say to any teacher you hope to garner respect, or more importantly—you selfish student—a rec from.
The Happiest Place on Earth
A slightly unhinged Mickey Mouse shares Disney’s plans for the next decade.
The Vitamin D Initiative
By Daniella Solomon, Sasha Ruinsky
In an effort to get Stuyvesant’s seniors to touch grass, Principal Yu takes them on a camping trip, with disastrous results.
Love at First Sight
Teachers play matchmaker with students after becoming bored by Stuyvesant’s lack of romance.
To: User0112358132134, From: The Apple of Your Eye
By Benson Chen
The Apple Store recommends that you download these apps for self improvement…or something!
Yet Another Tetris Player Fails as an Architect
A Tetris Player doesn’t fundamentally understand his job as an architect.
Five Healthy Ways of Coping with Pressure During AP Season
Bringing five healthy ways for Stuy kids to deal with stress during AP season. Warning: not verified by Stuyvesant High School or College Board to be valid.
Stuyvesant Offers “Fun” Electives for the Upcoming School Year
By Freda Dong
Stuyvesant offers new courses for next year to “spice up” the curriculum.
How to Fix Your Attention Span (Three Easy Steps!)
In this WikiHow article, I’ll explain how you can undo the work that those TikToks that display both gameplay from a stupid, mind-numbing, mobile game and some other content, have done to your poor attention span.
The Cult of Heimler
By Mikayla Lin
As AP season approaches, the cult around Heimler History grows even larger.
The Cult of Heimler
By Mikayla Lin
As AP season approaches, the cult around Heimler History grows even larger.
Rating AP Exams Based on Their Difficulties
We’re just trying to figure out our chances of scoring a five before even taking the test, man.
The Origins of April Fool’s Day
By Fiona 'Eve' Lin, Munem Tajwar
How the first April Fool’s Day came to be.
Stuyvesant Confessions: Teacher’s Version
Some (fake) confessions by the editorial board's favorite teachers.
Uncovered Pieces of Text Reveals Unforeseen Affairs
By Munem Tajwar, Fiona 'Eve' Lin
Philosopher Phantasies
Teacher Talk: The Indecipherable (Non-)Romance Language
By Erica Chen, Ryan Peng, Lina Zheng
A dictionary for the most frequent teacher sayings, and what they really mean!
Homo Stuyvesantians: The Next Stuy Generation
One stuffy biology class, a student has a dream about a new species evolving from Stuyvesant students…and it’s filled with sleep deprivation and ramen.
THAT DOLL CRAZE
By Benson Chen
We’ve interviewed a few major doll companies to see what their selling points are for their toys.
New AP Courses Being Offered at Stuyvesant Next Year
An introduction to the new AP classes offered for the upcoming school year, and students’ reactions to them.
Sorry, I’m an Elaborate Romantic
Are you still torturing yourself trying to come up with a plan to give that special someone the night of their life (and yours)? Here are some tried-and-true ways to ask your future significant other to PROM!
If Your Dreams Are Like This… Don’t Follow Them
By Fiona 'Eve' Lin, Maisha Thakur
A collection of the most ridiculous dreams that Stuy students have ever had
Bees a-Buzzin’, Kissable Dandelion Fuzz
By Adeline Sauberli, Sara Heller
Ass. And how to get off of it.
Best Study Habits
Many students are taking their first regents exams this week, or perhaps their first end-of-year final exams. I’ve been generous enough to share my wisdom through this article enumerating my top tips and tricks to get hundreds (or above!) on all your finals. Art request: a pile or scatter of completed exams with really high grades at the top (97-105)
How NOT to Get a College Rec
By Eshaal Ubaid
College is in, desperation is out: here’s what you should NOT say to any teacher you hope to garner respect, or more importantly—you selfish student—a rec from.
The Happiest Place on Earth
A slightly unhinged Mickey Mouse shares Disney’s plans for the next decade.
The Vitamin D Initiative
By Daniella Solomon, Sasha Ruinsky
In an effort to get Stuyvesant’s seniors to touch grass, Principal Yu takes them on a camping trip, with disastrous results.
Yet Another Tetris Player Fails as an Architect
A Tetris Player doesn’t fundamentally understand his job as an architect.
Love at First Sight
Teachers play matchmaker with students after becoming bored by Stuyvesant’s lack of romance.
Five Healthy Ways of Coping with Pressure During AP Season
Bringing five healthy ways for Stuy kids to deal with stress during AP season. Warning: not verified by Stuyvesant High School or College Board to be valid.
To: User0112358132134, From: The Apple of Your Eye
By Benson Chen
The Apple Store recommends that you download these apps for self improvement…or something!
Stuyvesant Offers “Fun” Electives for the Upcoming School Year
By Freda Dong
Stuyvesant offers new courses for next year to “spice up” the curriculum.
How to Fix Your Attention Span (Three Easy Steps!)
In this WikiHow article, I’ll explain how you can undo the work that those TikToks that display both gameplay from a stupid, mind-numbing, mobile game and some other content, have done to your poor attention span.
The Cult of Heimler
By Mikayla Lin
As AP season approaches, the cult around Heimler History grows even larger.
The Cult of Heimler
By Mikayla Lin
As AP season approaches, the cult around Heimler History grows even larger.
David Coleman Exposed: How He Became the Villain He Is Today
By Tamiyyah Shafiq, Michelle Huang
The CEO of the College Board used to be a Stuyvesant student. How did he rise to power?
She’s Everything. He’s Just in Her Cult of Personality.
By Eshaal Ubaid
Sigma male grindset? Pfft, I’m on a Glitterific Barbie Mindset.
Rating AP Exams Based on Their Difficulties
We’re just trying to figure out our chances of scoring a five before even taking the test, man.
The Origins of April Fool’s Day
By Fiona 'Eve' Lin, Munem Tajwar
How the first April Fool’s Day came to be.
Stuyvesant Confessions: Teacher’s Version
Some (fake) confessions by the editorial board's favorite teachers.
SAT Disaster
After all the juniors failed the SAT, the Humor Department decided to compile some practice SAT questions.
Stuyvesant Students Under Investigation for Series of Car Accidents Over Summer
These gosh-darn student drivers keep getting into car accidents.
Slim Winnings, Strong Hopes
By Selina Lin
As the spotted lanternfly invasion persists, hope and morale remain strong at the frontlines.
Stuyvesant High v120.0: Updates and Patches
The new update of the game Stuyvesant High School has just been released (‘23-‘24 version); here are all the modifications to last year’s version that you should be aware of.
The Stuyvesant ABCs (Superior Version)
By Freda Dong
The incoming fresh meat might find this incredibly useful.
Dear Incoming Class of 2027…THE SPECTATOR HAS ADVICE!
By Tamiyyah Shafiq, Madelyn Li Nunez
The Spectator gives a warm welcome to the Class of 2027.
Spray the Freshmen Away
An exterminator is hired to take care of an unusual infestation at Stuyvesant.
The Movies of Hot Girl Summer
By Virgenya Zhu, Gabriella Hoefner
Our brutally honest opinions on summer 2023 movies.
Waystar Royco’s Cruise
By Aniket Roy
A funny story of my encounter with elderly women on a cruise trip.
DOE Releases New School Lunch Menu!
An introduction to the new foods being added to the lunch menu and a little more about each of them.
Uninvited, Unlicensed Adult by the Name of “Ken” Runs Wild at Stuy
By Adeline Sauberli, Sasha Ruinsky
There’s a new exciting hire at Stuyvesant High School this year, and his Kenergy is almost too much to bear. Embark on this Kenerific journey to witness Ken’s spectacular antics, read in horror as he creates new classes, and maybe shed a few tears at his glorious words of Kisdom.