Actually Accurate Nicknames for the 50 States
Give good nicknames to every state to help you procrastinate.
Reading Time: 4 minutes
Have you ever thought about why New York is the Empire State? No, because you always have a test to study for tomorrow. Nevertheless, you’re going to read this instead (maybe so you don’t have to face your fears). Problem solved—you killed two birds with one stone! Now we’re going to solve a third problem by giving actually accurate nicknames for all 50 states.
- New York
The “If We’re the Empire State, We Should Just Take Over New Jersey” State
The “We’re Named After the City” State
The “Dang It, We Actually Can’t Take All of Niagara Falls” State
- New Jersey
The “Damn, We’re Very Boring” State
The “We Complain About Congestion Pricing Even Though It’s in Another State” State
The “We Don’t Deserve To Be in The ‘Tri-State Area’ So It Should Be a ‘Bi-State Area’” State
The “We Run The Most Delayed and Cancelled Train System That is Slower Than The Ones in the 1860s” State
- Connecticut
The “We Also Don’t Deserve To Be in The ‘Tri-State Area’ So Now It’s Just a ‘Uni-State Area’” State
- Rhode Island
The “Yeah, We Know We’re Not An Island” State
- Massachusetts
The “We’re Plural So We’re Better” State
The “You Can’t Beat Us in The Repeating Letter Category Unless You’re Mississippi” State
- Maine
The “We Know We’re Not The Maine Character” State
- Vermont and New Hampshire
The “Nothing Happens Here” States
- Pennsylvania
The “Somehow We Have Two Good Cities” State
- Delaware, Kentucky, and West Virginia
The “Also Nothing Happens Here” States
- Maryland and Virginia
The “We Couldn’t Decide Where Washington D.C. Belonged So Now It’s On Its Own” States
- Washington D.C.
The “Oops, I Forgot We’re Not a State” Not-A-State
- Canada and Greenland
The “NO, WE WILL NEVER BE A U.S. STATE” Not-States
- Tennessee
The “You Can’t Beat Us in The Repeating Letters Category Unless You’re Massachusetts or Mississippi” State
- North Carolina and South Carolina
The “We Ran Out of Names So We’re Just Going To Be North and South” States
- North Dakota and South Dakota
The “We Also Ran Out of Names So We’re Just Going to be North and South” States
- Mississippi
The “You Can’t Beat Us in The Repeating Letters Category (Take That Massachusetts and Tennessee)” State
- Louisiana
The “We’re America’s Boot” State
- Arkansas
The “We’re AR-Kansas—Kansas’s Gun” State
- Missouri
The “Misery” State
- Illinois
The “We Got Infected By the French So The S Is Silent” State
- Indiana
The “We’re Terrible at Naming Our Capital So We Just Put a -polis After The Name of Our State” State
- Ohio
The Meme State
The “We Also Somehow Got Two Cities, This Is Amazing” State
- Georgia, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Michigan
The “Also Also Nothing Happens Here” States
- Iowa, Nebraska, and Kansas
The “It’s Just Corn” States
- New Mexico
The “We’re Basically Part of Mexico” State
- Alaska
The “We’re Basically Part of Canada” State
- Hawaii
The “We’re Basically Part of the Pacific Ocean” State
- Texas and Florida
The “Why Do We Always End Up on the News for The Wrong Reasons” States
- Wyoming
The “Most Rectangular State in The U.S.” State
- Colorado
The “Most Most Rectangular State in The U.S.” State
- Utah
The “Dang It, We Were So Close to Being Perfectly Rectangular” State
- Idaho
The “Why Does Everybody Know We’re The Potato State” State
- Montana, Nevada, and Arizona
The “Also Also Also Nothing Happens Here” States
- Washington
The “WHY DID WE NEED TO NAME OUR STATE WASHINGTON AND GET EVERYBODY CONFUSED” State
- Oregon
The “All Our Ore (Is) Gone” State
- California
The “We Have Way Too Many Good Cities” State
And there you have it! The nicknames of all 50 states, as well as nicknames for three potential states. Maybe one day everything will become part of the U.S., and I’ll have to help write a very long Wikipedia page summarizing the nicknames of every state! Yeah, I want to do that. Come on, U.S., absorb all the countries. U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.…