Rogue Halloween Decor On the Loose—Beware!

Attention, all students at Stuyvesant High School! Please keep a watchful eye out for any suspicious Halloween-themed decor and objects that have taken to the streets. As of two hours ago, locals have reported sightings of what seems to be a Ghostface costume accompanied by a talking pumpkin taking a walk along the bank of the Hudson River.

Mr. Moran, along with help from the school aides and a few Spectator reporters, are doing their best to figure out what is happening; getting students home safely is their priority. At the time of this article’s publication, we currently have limited information, as research is still being conducted and verified throughout the city. 

They became sentient as a result of an experiment gone wrong in the hydroponics lab. An AP Environmental Science student said that the plants “suddenly started glowing strangely for a minute until Mr. Citron waved his hand over the room and declared, ‘cessa lumina.’” We believe that these Halloween decorations and costumes then came to life from stores like Target, local shops, and even apartments near Stuyvesant High School. We are currently trying to locate Mr. Citron for further investigation, so please let a staff member know if you see any sign of him. If you do see him, please approach with caution, as we believe he may be on the run from authorities and is suspected of conspiring with the Headless Horseman. As an investigation is still underway, no other information will be released. Thank you for your cooperation.

A previously possessed Stuyvesant student, Mary Bloody, offers her experience so far: “It was so surreal: one second I was walking up the stairs to the Tribeca Bridge, and in the next second it felt like I was pushed out of my body and was watching life pass through my eyes like it was shown from a film reel in the movie theater. I could only watch in horror as I started to dance the floss and ask people if they had any candy, and then after scanning into the building, proceeded to also consume all of the candy in the secret hidden stash in the library. Oh my gosh, it was embarrassing when I finally regained control of my body, and a bat figurine popped out of nowhere and started chasing me around. I really hope no one saw that.” Another student nearby noted, “Oh yeah, I did see that. Horrifying, gives me the creeps. You wanna see? I got the whole thing on video.”

Justin Aurder Stykid added, “Man, you should have seen it happening in real time. Some friends and I were hanging out near our lockers on the third floor, hanging up a ghost decoration and candy corn string lights, when one of them started acting strangely. I’m telling you, he literally just started running around the junior atrium and banging on the lockers. Then after drawing all that attention, he started pulling out his phone, but luckily Mr. Moran caught him just in time. Huh? Oh yeah, his phone is still confiscated, haha.”

It should also be noted that when interviewed on why they were taking over human souls, one of the many rogue Halloween decorations, Target’s Halloween LED Raven on Skull Inflatable - Hyde and EEK! Boutique™, ranted, “Every year, it’s the same thing all over again! I’m just so sick of this. Do you know how it feels to be acknowledged and appreciated only once a year? And I’m only taken out of the dusty storage room for work, work, work—not to mention, it’s so lonely because no one talks to me!” When asked why Halloween decorations were taking over people’s souls, a carved pumpkin from a hotel lobby shared, “That’s what you get! You humans are so greedy, and you never share your treats with me! Some of you don’t even appreciate us; no one goes trick-or-treating anymore. So that’s why I’ve taken matters into my own hands to remind everyone of the spirit of Halloween!”

It is to our current understanding that these Halloween decorations and costumes have gained souls of their own after being brought to life and can communicate with humans through some sort of sound wave detectable to human ears. Additionally, some have managed to possess human bodies. It is being made known that the human body is capable of housing two souls at once, and when being taken over, the human soul is pushed into the background of consciousness until 13 minutes have passed. It seems that a human body cannot be possessed twice by the same soul, though different Halloween decor rings have been spreading online, exchanging the physical location of previously haunted human bodies to be possessed. 

The possession process does not seem to be harmful, but please be aware that not all these Halloween costumes and decorations are harmless, and may use their human bodies to enact BooGram robberies, which you will be charged for, even if the 13 minutes have passed. We hope that this is limited to just today, but we will update you further should anything happen.