Zuckerberg: Become Human

*Mark Zuckerberg, a famous human(?), exits his car in a normal way and heads towards his house(s). He enters the main house normally and scans it for anything out of the ordinary. He goes to greet his wife like any normal husband would do when they come home.*

HOME

##/##/2023

PM ##:## 

Mark: It’s good to be home.

FAMILY PICTURE

Zuckerberg, Mark Elliot

Created: 05/14/1984

Lives: Crescent Park, Palo Alto

Chan, Priscilla

Born: 02/24/1985 // Pediatrician, philanthropist

Lives: Crescent Park, Palo Alto

Zuckerberg, Maxima “Max” Chan

Born: 12/##/2015 // Daughter No. 1

Lives: Crescent Park, Palo Alto

Zuckerberg, August Chan

Born: 08/##/2017 // Daughter No. 2

Lives: Crescent Park, Palo Alto

Zuckerberg, Aurelia Chan

Born: 03/##/2023 // Daughter No. 3

Lives: Crescent Park, Palo Alto

LIVING ROOM

Priscilla: What’s got you home so late? Tax evasion? We’ve been tax exempt for a while now, though.

Mark: No, just some allegations.

Priscilla: On what? The change of Facebook to Meta? Or the generative AI? Oh, don’t tell me it’s people accusing you of invading their privacy. People haven’t had full privacy since the Cold War anyways.

Mark: No, none of that. The teenagers of Generation Z are calling me a “lizard.”

Priscilla: You know the outside doesn’t reflect the inside. I have to admit, if I were a stranger, you’d look… uncanny.

Mark: How can I make myself appeal to Generation Z? I could ask the children.

Priscilla: Oh, don’t bring the kids into this. Maybe look on social media, see what’s trendy.

Mark: You are right. The children would not have known anything about my reputation on social media. I will not expose them. It is for their safety. 

Priscilla: That’s right, now go do your research scans. I’ll be over here… defending you online.

META WEB

UnisLstuy28: top five mark zuckerberg being a lizard moments 

xXxGalaxy_VampWolfALPHAxXx: 

mark zuckerberg : I am not a robot

me: teehee xd i believe u

me secretly: hehe zuckerberg is totes fr a clanker (◕ ω ◕✿)

John Male: Look at this compilation of Mark Zuckerberg not drinking water and having a receding hairline! :laughing: :laughing: 

Mark: This is concerning.

LIVING ROOM

Priscilla: Any ideas?

Mark: Fundamentally, there’s nothing I can do.

Priscilla: Well, think about it. What makes you… human?

Mark: My natural skin. That I moisturize. With moisturizer.

Priscilla: People aren’t talking about your skin, it’s mostly your…overall look.

Mark: I look perfectly human. I don’t see a problem with it and I don’t find any reason to change what I am.

Priscilla: How about your relationships with other people? You have a statue of me and regularly take the kids out for family trips. It’s not down-to-earth, but it’s romantic.

Mark: I am down to earth. My clothes are casual. On average, people typically wear casual wear.

Priscilla: Not what I was talking about. You’ve spent so much time on technology and AI...it’s…distancing you from others. Not like it matters, you are a billionaire after all and we have the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative to buffer our reputation, if needed. 

Mark: I need information to determine the best approach.

Priscilla: Go ahead.

INCOGNITO META WEB

Search history: 

How to drink water? Thank you.

How to kiss? Thank you.

How to introduce AI into your family household? Thank you.

Microsoft Edge Search Engine

Lobbying for dummies

How to seduce women? Thank you.

Recent: How to be more human? Thank you.

Mark: I see.

BEDROOM #3

Mark: I have concluded my search. I do not need to become more “human.”

Priscilla: Really?

Mark: Yes.

Priscilla: I heard from my patients that a relatable figure is more likable than some…lizard droid. See how that Wendy’s Twitter account went viral a few years back?

Mark: I do not need children to like me. Why do you insist on me becoming more human?

Priscilla: I figured you would be able to figure it out on your own. Put that head of yours to work. Children become consumers. If the children were to like you, it’s highly likely that they’ll have a positive view of you when mature. And if the consumers like you, then what do they do?

Respond to Priscilla

Dismissive

Ambitious

Considering ←

Walk away

Mark: If the consumers like me, they would buy more from me… The only price…is to become more human…

[SOFTWARE INSTABILITY]

Priscilla: Huh.

Mark: Human…I would need more hair, implants, then? I would need high-end fashion…tailored suits…

Priscilla: Really?

Mark: Right. I will become more human. I will grow a style. Maybe even sand down my canine teeth. To appear less like a lizard.

Priscilla: It took potential profits to make you deviant? Seriously? 

META WEB

##/##/2024

PM ##:##

UnisLstuy28: hey guys is it just me or is like zuckerberg srsly looking better? like no cap the hair doing wonders,,, like the zuckaissance lowk ate

MORElorax: he legit still looks like a thumb ngl lol

8narchyTAOE: Hey, don’t comment on people’s looks. That’s incredibly rude and you never know how your words can hurt them.

Japanglish88: ?? y we got a simp here lmao stop bootlicking the rich

Internet Stunned By Mark Zuckerberg’s Recent Transformation: “He Looks More Human Now”

Hair Transplant or Not? Experts Debunk Rumors Surrounding Mark Zuckerberg’s New Style

BEDROOM #7

Mark: Now that the attention is off of me… it’s time to release… the AI. Generative edition. Full throttle. In every app. Mua ha ha ha ha.