Humor

You’re My Universe(ity): A College Dating Sim Introduction

Figure out what College is your OTP (One True Pair!)

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Cover Image
By Ruxia Chen

You are a rising Stuyvesant senior, desperately behind on your college research! With pressure from your parents, you’re forced to find and court a college that you’re going to be with for the next four years! But beware—if you don’t find your OTC (One True College), you might be left as a High School Dropout (That’s not good).


Figure out which college sounds like it’s the one for you! 


Go apply, or get denied trying! (winky_face)


NEW YORK UNIVERSITY

Birthday: April 18, 1831

Height: 5’11” (insists he’s 6’0”)

Gender: Male 

MBTI: ENFJ-T

Likes: Trench coats, expensive gifts, coffee, head pats

Dislikes: Homework, grass

Description: Don’t let his extravagant wealth fool you—it’s all daddy’s money. He’s never worked a day in his life—after all, he’s never had to. Despite that, he’ll be sure to shower you with expensive gifts to show his affection, and expects the same from you. He’s able to effortlessly show off his avant-garde looks, and you’ll never catch him without his signature trench coat. He’s always on the lookout for praise from others, whether it be from his father (who gives none) or from you. Will you prove that you’re the right one for him?


HARVARD

Birthday: September 8, 1636

Height: 6’3”

Gender: Male

MBTI: INTJ-A

Likes: Reading newspapers (Current Events), quaint cafes, his two cats (Veritas and Christus)

Dislikes: Forced social events, boot-lickers, general tomfoolery

Description: He’s been here since the beginning. As the oldest of the colleges, he has a lot of expectations on his shoulders (that he exceeds at every turn). Despite being a goal-oriented guy and having a cold exterior, deep down, he just wants someone to take him on cute dates and talk longingly about his two cats. He’s a seductive blend of tradition and innovation, making him unobtainable for most. Will you be the first to enter his gated heart?


YALE

Birthday: October 9, 1701

Height: 5’2”

Gender: Female 

MBTI: ISTJ-T

Likes: Books (romance novels especially), anime, oversized sweaters, comfy lounge chairs in the library

Dislikes: The sun, any and all sports (not e-sports!), extroverts

Description: Though she’s a total bookworm, she’ll find a way to bury her way into your heart. Stare into her sparkling golden eyes. Are you looking? Do you see what she hides behind her tough exterior? Every word uttered within her walls is a sigh of desire, and every shared thought an intimate caress. She is the embodiment of intellectual allure, where curiosity becomes a sensuous dance and the pursuit of wisdom is a fervent affair. When her head is not buried in a book, she’s constantly thinking about when she’ll have her own love story. Maybe you’ll be her Prince Charming.


COLUMBIA
Birthday: May 25, 1754

Height: 5’10”

Gender: Male

MBTI: ENTJ-A

Likes: Himself, mirrors, and anything reflective

Dislikes: Criticism

Description: The narcissist of the academic world, he saunters through the campus with a lofty air of arrogance and superiority. He constantly expects validation from everyone and believes the world revolves around him and only him. His ideal conversation centers around his latest academic achievements and research breakthroughs, and he loves to whip out his pocket mirror to gaze upon his divine reflection. He’s quick to dismiss those who do not meet his standards, but perhaps you’ll be the one to finally catch his eye. 


CORNELL

Birthday: April 27, 1865

Height: 5’6”

Gender: Female

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Likes: Helping others, petting random dogs, long walks in the park

Dislikes: Selfish people, cold and rainy days, mean people 

Description: Cornell’s not the most outgoing. She’s always shy and can often be seen stuttering and/or blushing; she’s always had a hard time meeting new people. However, she’s always selfless, and is constantly on the lookout for how she can help others out. Whether it’s homework or grabbing food from the food hall, she’s your gal. But despite this, Cornell still wishes to be spoiled every now and then. Will you be the one to reward her for all her hard work?


UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO

Birthday: July 1, 1891

Height: 5’8”

Gender: Male

MBTI: ESTP-A

Likes: Eating good food, skateboarding, you (?)

Dislikes: Boring pop quizzes, boring research papers, and boring people 

Description: UChicago has always had a laid-back attitude toward life. Nothing is intellectually stimulating enough to interest him. That is, until he saw you. Now you’re his new object of affection, and he’s sure to show his possessiveness to the world by following you around and drawing you in every piece of his artwork. He’s not above using unorthodox means to keep you within the grasp of his palm; after all, affection goes both ways. The only question is, will you accept his advances? Or will you rebuff him, and face the consequences?

 

If you’d like to see more, fill out this form on which college you’d want to romance: https://tinyurl.com/collegedatesim

Or email the authors directly (at achu40@stuy.edu, echen40@stuy.edu, and aroy41@stuy.edu) about how hot and heavy you are for these schools!