Worst Restaurant EVER!!!!!
Issue 13, Volume 113
Mom & Pop’s Breakfast Inn
Joe Mama wrote a review:
I just ate at Mom & Pop’s Breakfast Inn, and it was the Worst. Experience. Of. My. Life. First of all, there was not a Mom or Pop in sight, which was incredibly disappointing. When I entered the restaurant, I tried to hug the waitress (as is common courtesy), but she just stared at me and asked if I had a reservation (I didn’t even get a handshake!). Anyway, I was told I had to wait for a table because they were “all full” and I “didn’t have a reservation”—a likely excuse. I couldn’t even play Candy Crush while I waited because the WiFi there was horrible! I don’t care if my iPhone 4 is “over a decade old” and “running on its last shred of life”; I expect top-notch internet service when I dine. After the most grueling seven minutes of my life, I was finally seated. Unfortunately, said seat was right near a group of old ladies, and you KNOW how I feel about old people: they chew too loudly, their hands are weird, and they’re always gossiping about the royal family. (I apologize to any old people reading this, but I’m just speaking the truth!)
I tried not to let the old ladies ruin my appetite, but my culinary fate was sealed when I glanced at the menu. First of all, the menu did not come with any crayons or coloring pages, which was extremely disappointing. At this point, I contemplated simply walking out of the restaurant—but alas, I was starving. I feverishly scanned every poorly-laminated page of the menu, but to my dismay, the restaurant did not serve my favorite meal: escargot. When I mentioned this disparity to the waitress, she simply said, “Sir, this is a breakfast diner.” The nerve! Honestly, I should have demanded to speak to the manager right then and there, but I decided to be the bigger person and settled for waffles—it wasn’t as good as steamed snails, but it would have to do.
At long last, I received my meal. My taste buds tingled as the scent of maple syrup wafted across the room, but little did I know the horror that was about to be bestowed upon me. The waitress put my plate in front of me. I looked at my waffles.
They were soggy.
I screamed. My eyes filled with tears. I demanded to know the cause of this crime against humanity.
“Sir, I think that’s just because you requested an entire bottle of syrup to be poured on them.”
“Okay, but that doesn’t mean they should be soggy!” I protested. “A good waffle should be able to maintain its crispiness, no matter how much syrup you put on it, so this is just a reflection of how poorly-made your waffles are.”
I was then asked to leave the diner after I threw the waffles at one of the old ladies’ faces (that Karen deserved it!). Overall, an unsatisfactory dining experience. Would not recommend this restaurant. One out of five stars—I would give it zero stars, but the waitress was pretty cute, even though she pepper-sprayed me when I asked for her number.