Totally Outta Pocket: Quotes from Stuyvesant Teachers

A crowdsourced montage of wise words from our dearest educators!

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Sometimes the inspirational words that our teachers pass down to us change our lives forever. Perhaps these crowdsourced quotes will inspire you too! (For anonymity purposes, department names were used rather than specific teacher names.) 

  • “Yo that’s caps brah.” (Science)
  • “Govern me harder, daddy.” (Social Studies)
  • “Instead of gratitude… he has an ATTITUDE.” (English)
  • (On Dianne Feinstein’s death) “Rest in peace, press f in the chat.” (Social Studies)
  • “Never talk to a biologist, never date someone who is a biologist, and never consider them a biologist if they have human rights.” (Science)
  • “I’m not a boba guy…unless his last name is Fett.” (Math)
  • “I have Talos, I know your address.” (English)
  • “This is not a class about circumcision.” (Math)
  • “I’ll let you wash your hands with Windex.” (Science)
  • “Having a computer is like having a stupid friend who agrees to your every demand.” (Math)
  • “Do you want me to throw you out of the window?” (Foreign Language)
  • “Have you seen RFK? Guy's jacked. He's a swollerbear. He's ripped. Might be on gear. Just being honest, ngl.” (Social Studies)
  • “I'll put zeros on your project too. It just gives me JOY.” (English)
  • “We all know what happened with Burr and Hamilton, an epic rap battle... killed him with those dope verses and sick burns” (Social Studies)
  • “I don’t like Ms. Maggio; she ate my children.” (Science)
  • “This class [and homework] is love, but like, VIOLENT.” (Math)
  • “WeChat mom dominance.” (Social Studies)
  • “I’m not gonna let you smell me cuz that’s illegal.” (Science)
  • “I’m always pleasantly surprised by the first test on top of the stack. It’s a 100! And then I realize… oh wait, that’s mine.” (Math)
  • “You’re gonna go on… ahhh what are the apps called now… YouTwitFace?” (Social Studies)
  • “It’s real tough being the best kitty in the whole wide world…” (English)
  • “I’ll teach you how to poop!” (Science)
  • “So the English called up the Stuarts like, ‘Hey girl… it’s been a while. Get lunch sometime?’” (Social Studies)
  • “The Location Theorem? Isn’t that what GPS is for?” (Math)
  • “I like to live dangerously. Sometimes that involves carrying two scissors, one in each hand, and running around my apartment screaming.” (Science)
  • “I’m going to Hell.” (Social Studies)
  • “I told you girl! (snaps) Now, back to getting high.” (Science)
  • “You want me to say I’m a sussy baka?” (Math)
  • “You don’t have to do drugs, just buy a goldfish!” (Science)
  • “I'd be fired if this got outside the classroom (looks out the door), but Stuy students would be better teachers than some teachers here.” (Social Studies)

We humbly thank our educators for taking the time to deal with our unruly selves, and for using humor to make the toughest subjects bearable. Alas, these tales and quips will surely leave an impact on students for eons to come! 

However…Somebody, please check in on the Science department.