The Halloween-Based Type Indicator

Busy seeing all the Halloween decorations going up around your neighborhood? Yeah, so are we. It’s about time we kick off this October with the first wave of fake spiderwebs and scattered skeleton bones that inevitably leave Thanksgiving as the forgotten middle child.

The real question is, have you picked out your costume yet? If you’re busy scouring Amazon and posting costume polls on your Instagram story, valid. But if you’re one of the people who have a go-to costume ready in August or just know exactly what you’re doing (we are in disbelief at your preparation skills), let’s conduct a perfectly scientific and research-backed test to find out what your choice reveals about your mental and emotional state of mind. We call it the HBTI, or Halloween-Based Type Indicator, also known as the more innovative version of the MBTI. Psychologically, if you already have a game plan done and dusted weeks in advance, some gears have to be turning up there.

1. The Animal

Whether you’ve picked a black cat, deer, peacock, or even a red panda, one thing we can say for sure is that you’re comfortable with being called a furry several times a day. Wait, you’re not? Well, you’re about to be. Bonus points if you’ve bought a headband with fluffy ears and bells that jingle as you walk. Preliminary research suggests a strong correlation between purchasing animal ears and a willingness to make questionable financial decisions at Claire’s. You probably find cuteness costume-worthy (because it is), and are good at makeup if you want to pull off the vibe of an exotic or adorable animal. We would also guess that you’re an ambivert, and always pick someone with a dangerously low amount of screentime when asked who your favorite movie or TV show character is.

2. The Supernatural

Classic, we see you! You’re the type of person to opt for the traditional witches, vampires, ghosts, and werewolves. Your Netflix recommendations are 90 percent murder plus one documentary your teacher assigned, or you might just be doing this to spook your elderly neighbor. Kids these days. Gore is carrying your outfit, and you likely picked up some blood to complete the look. Obviously, you’d tell everyone but the police that the blood is absolutely real. At least, that’s what we’d do. You’re not lying to anyone either! Except for the police.

3. The Show/Movie Character

You’re a trend follower. Whatever the latest cinematic masterpiece is, your creative vision is locked and loaded. You only need to ensure that your plan outdoes the other 500 girls dressed as Wednesday Addams or Rumi from K-Pop Demon Hunters and the 300 guys dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow or Batman. Those who claim their costume is “super niche” should be approached with caution. In nine out of 10 cases, at least three other people have already posted the exact same outfit on Pinterest.

4. The Food Item

You’re bold. Walking around as a giant pizza or sweating in a baggy M&M suit? That takes guts. You’re either hungry, bored, don’t want to get cold outside, or all of the above. We call this Culinary Costume Hyperfixation, a condition characterized by the inability to distinguish between a Halloween costume and a dinner recommendation. Now, the creativity scale is measured by how niche your chosen food is. A burrito? Wrap it up, pun very much intended. A bowl of rice mixed with yogurt topped with cayenne pepper, mustard seeds, paprika, and oregano, and garnished with coriander? Now you’re thinking. All your friends will be talking about how you “ate that costume up.” Yes, we’re hungry, and yes, dinner sounds amazing right about now.

5. The Alien Holding You from Behind

You ran out of ideas. It’s the day before Halloween, and you needed anything that would get a giggle out of most people. We prefaced that this article was for those with a done and dusted game plan, but your plan was to be unoriginal. Clinical trials suggest that last-minute costume selection is associated with a lower ability to plan and the firm belief that being kidnapped by an alien qualifies as a personality trait. Your costume is likely the most worn costume every year, and you might even find an 11-year-old walking around with the same OOTD as you while you’re outside gathering treats. It’s silly though, and as the Humor Department, we’ll give you bonus points for whimsy.

6. The Dressed as Yourself

You had no ideas. Seriously, did you think about your costume, or did you forget Halloween was creeping up around the corner? Or maybe you just didn’t want to spend money. Prices are most definitely at least $20, and nobody’s wallet has room for that. Either way, your costume will be unique because no one else is quite like you. #selflove. You probably come home from school with a to-do list twice the size of Saturn’s rings and a packed calendar with at least 15 reminders going off every hour. How else would you forget to plan for a holiday that comes with free candy? If someone were to ask you when you’re free to plan a hangout, your response would likely be “next Tuesday, from 5:00 p.m. to 5:45 p.m., take it or leave it.”

7. The Rich and Elaborate

No matter what you’re dressed as, if you’re the person consistently spending $30 or more on Halloween costumes, congratulations, you fit into this category! The best part of your night is the photos you posted in an Instagram carousel, because there’s no way everyone and their mom won’t know about your costume with that price tag. You hate being unoriginal, likely have a compulsive buying disorder, and did we mention you’re loaded? Unsurprisingly, your bank account is a non-zero integer, and we’d like some of that. Care to share?

We hope you received the insight you were looking for. If you didn’t, try again, because our unsolicited wisdom is unmatched. Happy Halloween, Stuy!