The Forgotten Legend: Jerry Lobotomizes Two Windows

Jerry attempts to get vengeance for a pizza slice but ends up breaking multiple windows.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

There’s a story that's been passed down ever since this school was established.

“On the last day of October,

one shall arrive late…

holding a gift of epic horror,

which shall act as bait,

for the events that ensue terror.”

This prophecy slowly faded into a mere legend as it never came true.

Until this fateful year…


Halloween, the holiday when people of all ages dress as the things they fear and go around asking strangers for candy. It’s also the only day where you don’t need a white van to steal little children––just a few loose Skittles. Seriously, how has Halloween not resulted in more lost kids?

Nothing was odd about the school day on October 31 at Stuyvesant High School: the escalators were still broken, the freshmen were crying on the half-floor because they received 99s on their tests, and Moran was committing devious licks of people’s cell phones. However, nothing could prepare anyone for what happened in a sixth period European Literature class.
The class started off boring, as per usual. But oddly enough, everyone in that class soon felt a gust of wind blow against their face, despite the windows being closed and the AC being off. They figured it was just the COVID-era ventilators acting up, and continued on with their class.

Just then, a student (going by Jerry to maintain anonymity) barged into the classroom. He was carrying a paper bag holding a single slice of Hawaiian pizza, which he handed to the teacher as a bribe to excuse his lateness. It was strange for one to bribe teachers with pizza, not to mention Hawaiian pizza, yet Jerry did exactly that. Unexpectedly, when the teacher took out the slice, there was a tarantula on top. The teacher screamed and reflexively threw the pizza at the door. As for the tarantula… it flew through the air and met its untimely demise as its body crashed against the hard, cold wall next to the door.

Did Jerry plant the tarantula on the slice as a Halloween prank? No one knew, and no one ever learned. The tarantula was swiftly forgotten, but the event that had unfolded had not been forgotten.

Jerry’s blood boiled when he saw his teacher throw the pizza at the door. He couldn’t believe anyone would waste such a perfectly good slice of ’za. Filled with extreme rage, his skin turned red, and his eyes glowed a white-hot crimson.

Jerry flipped over his desk and shouted, “LONG LIVE THE PIZZA!”

He rushed toward his teacher, hoping to knock them over. All the same, the teacher (being an ex-Olympic Toe Wrestler) had quick reflexes and sidestepped the enraged human projectile.
Jerry was now headed for the classroom door. Too infuriated to reduce his momentum, he met the door at a speed faster than even the speed of light. Jerry’s head collided with the glass frame of the door with a crack. He proceeded to topple over. Respected veteran Tom Cat was quick enough to catch Jerry before his head hit the floor.
When asked about what happened that day, Tom said, “I always knew Jerry had a thick skull. But I didn’t know it was thick enough to shatter reinforced glass.”

Nobody in the classroom knew what to say or do. Jerry just sat there by a wall and acted strangely… Well, more strangely than usual. A nurse came to examine Jerry, gave him a pack of ice for his head (the Nurses’ Union’s mandated solution to every possible injury), and verified that he didn’t have a concussion.

As the clock ticked forward, Jerry acted more and more bizarre.

A firsthand witness of this occult behavior, and the later events, was a student going by the name of Nibbles. “Jerry started running around the classroom in a frenzy, and suddenly, there was a loud crash. Jerry was nowhere to be seen; it was almost as if Jerry had never been in the classroom. He had completely shattered another window. Later, we found out that Jerry had jumped into the Hudson River… never to be seen again,” Nibbles said.

The next day, the same message was carved onto the walls of every floor: “I sincerely apologize for lobotomizing my head and the classroom door. I assure you that I shall no longer send myself barreling at glass and to forever keep in mind that objects in motion stay in motion until all momentum is gone.”
Was this Jerry’s apology? How did Jerry write this if he is no longer with us? Where is he now? These are the questions people are still pondering to this day, and will still be for many years to come. But the one concrete takeaway is that a human head is capable of shattering double paneled glass.