Sweet Dreams? More Like Nightmare-Inducing Lullabies!
A brave Humor writer risked her perfect attendance to record the lyrics of the lullaby that’s been haunting Stuyvesant.
Reading Time: 1 minute
Legend has it that in the weeks before and after Halloween, if you find yourself desperately lacking sleep (already? The school year barely started!), the ghosts of previous Stuyvesant students will help you by singing a special lullaby to soothe you to sleep. But not everything is flowers and daisies…
Oh hush, my child, I know you feel weary.
Stuyvesant High School really makes people dreary.
But you can’t give up, you still need that perfect SAT;
Only with perfect grades and a 110 GPA can you be free.
If your physics test comes back with a mediocre score,
You will be punished with humongous pores.
Worries about college keeping you up at night?
You’ll go to MIT only in your dreams; trust me, I’m right.
Make sure all your work comes back with green checks,
Because brainless children get sentenced to Brooklyn Tech
Make one more complaint about how you can’t survive?
The ghost of Peter Stuyvesant will eat you alive.
But we have decided to give you one more chance.
Screw this up and you’ll never find romance.
We’ll grant you sleep, child, so you can wake up anew,
Terrified by dreams of Algebra reviews.
Transcriber’s Note: The goal of the ghosts seems to be to maintain the infamy of Stuyvesant’s rigor, especially considering the fact that recent generations have been lacking. Or maybe they just want us to suffer as they did. However, if you desperately need to catch up on sleep, find an empty bench at school and rest in peace. However, be aware that you are at the risk of waking up four periods later from a nightmare about failing your latest test. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.