Senior Ecstatic After Having Whole Conversation Without Mentioning College

“I waited with bated breath in anticipation of being asked where I was planning on applying early.” —Eugene Thomas, senior

“Last week a freshman asked me what time it was, and I automatically replied ‘Harvard.’” —Amy Ren, senior

Senior Eugene Thomas was beaming after managing to have an entire conversation without once mentioning college.

“As we continued the conversation, I waited with bated breath in anticipation of being asked where I was planning on applying early, but it never popped up,” Thomas said. “I’m not ashamed to say that later that night, I cried with happiness thinking about that conversation.”

The conversation took place between Thomas and senior Gilvir Gill as they walked out of the Chambers Street 1 train station together. According to witnesses, the shocking exchange went something like this:

THOMAS: “Hello, Gilvir! How's it going?”

GILL: “Hey, Eugene! It’s good, what about you?”

THOMAS: “I’m good, I’m good.”

[A full minute elapsed without any remarks from either Thomas or Gill, in what the witnesses labeled as an “awkward silence.”]

THOMAS: “So, how about that weather, right?”

GILL: “I know right!? Why is it so hot in September!?”

THOMAS: “Damn global warming!”

GILL: “Argh, yes, exactly!”

At this point, the pair was joined by one of Thomas’s friends, who was about to ask Thomas: “So, where do you plan on applying early?” only to be interrupted by the onset of a sneeze. Gill then raised his hand in a half-hearted attempt to convey that he was leaving and quickly strode ahead in euphoric joy, tightly clutching onto memories of the happily interrupted interaction.

“I have a deal with a publisher already to publish my memoir about the incredible occurrence,” Gill exclaimed.

This isolated event reminds us once more of the current epidemic of college-itis. “It’s awful,” senior Amy Ren vented. “Last week a freshman asked me what time it was, and I automatically replied ‘Harvard.’”

For many Jewish students, the recent holidays have meant a barrage of questions about college. “I was just trying to enjoy my apples and honey, but all these schmucks kept asking me when I was getting into Brandeis. Oy vey!,” senior August Hochman seethed.