Halloween Costumes, Ranked

The definitive list of Spectator-endorsed and discouraged Halloween costumes. Let the games begin.

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By Cricket Fu

As spooky season looms on the horizon once again, we know that everyone is panicking as they try to think of the best costume to be glared at by people in suits on the subway at 5:30 a.m. But if you dress like a clown who Reddits hardcore on the daily, you might find yourself wondering, how do I top myself? Here are the best and worst costumes we expect to see this year.

Worst 6:

These are the costumes you should absolutely avoid if you don’t want to be shunned by your friends and family.

1. Furry

Even though The Spectator fully endorses and supports furries, we feel that dressing up as one for Halloween isn’t enough to stand out. If you decide to go all out with a bright blue fursuit and cat ears, you might just blend in with half of the Stuyvesant student population.

2. Couples Costumes

While you may think it’s cute and romantic, nobody wants to see you and your significant other walking hand-in-hand in matching costumes. It’s Halloween, not Valentine’s Day. Besides, if you happen to break up right before Halloween, chances are you’ll be left with the lamer half of a couples costume; we hate to break it to you, but nobody’s going to recognize your Prince Eric costume unless you’re standing directly next to Ariel.

3. Mr. Moran:

Though this costume might get you on the administration's good side, dressing up as Mr. Moran just isn’t worth all the heart attacks you’ll give the student body. But if you choose to go through with it anyway, the outfit should consist of the loudest shoes they sell at your local Walmart, a beautiful and luxurious bald cap, and a sexy businessman suit from Spirit Halloween. You’ll probably be voted Scariest (or Hottest) Halloween Costume.

4. Bacon Egg ‘n’ Cheese

Look, we’re just saying that this costume might make you a little TOO attractive.

5. A Consistent Sleep Schedule

If you really want to spark some fear in Stuy kids, all you need to do is dress up like the thing they hate most: seven to eight hours of sleep! You might be wondering—how does one even dress up as a sleep schedule in the first place? Well… you shouldn’t, because… it’s a bad costume.

6. Among Us:

Wait. I think there’s been a mistake here? This is supposed to be in the “best” section.

Top 6:

Here are the costumes to rock if you want everyone to acknowledge you as the coolest person ever.

1. Minions

What better way to stay hip than by dressing up as a yellow cylinder who doesn’t speak real words? Not only will a minion costume make you look absolutely stunning, but it’s more relevant than ever with the release of the hit movie “Minions: Rise of Gru.” Just a warning, though: this costume is only funny if you wear it post-meta-ironically.

2. Ghost:

This costume has been reliable since the beginning of time. Just throw on a sheet and be on your way. To be a successful ghost, the sheet must stay on. Walk through the cold morning wearing nothing but the sheet. Climb all the way to your ninth floor locker with the sheet. Eat the frozen bagel they serve for lunch with the sheet. Go to sleep with the sheet. Become the sheet. Do it.

3. Wrecking Ball (of Miley Cyrus fame)

Name some of the greatest stars of our generation. You’ve got Ed Sheeran, Doja Cat, the corn kid, and, of course, the wrecking ball from “Wrecking Ball.” If you want to wow your classmates with something that’s sure to leave quite the impression, our advice is to come in looking like a rockstar donning this outfit. Careful, though: if you paint yourself red instead of gray, you might be mistaken for the Target ball, your mortal enemy…

4. Obscure Cosplays:

If you want to dress up without drawing attention to yourself, this is the costume for you. Cosplay as that one side character from that obscure fandom you’re obsessed with, like the guy in the background of season six, episode 39 of “Grey's Anatomy.” His costume would consist of a green shirt and jeans. Very recognizable. Absolutely nobody will appreciate your genius, but that’s the beauty of it!

5. Chris Pratt as Mario

To clarify, this isn’t your average Mario costume—this is the concept of dressing up as Chris Pratt dressed up as Mario. Really focus on honing your voice acting skills to sound the least like Mario as possible. Have your partner be Bowser for a great duo costume! (They were in love, right? That was the plot of the game?)

6. Mitochondria:

Pretty much self-explanatory.