Big Sibs Welcome Freshmen at New Cafeteria Table

Walking into the cafeteria, students are now greeted by the new Big Sib table near the middle of the lunch room, marked by a brightly colored tablecloth. This school year, the Big Sibs introduced a new program beginning on September 29, which requires Big Sibs to have lunch with their Little Sibs twice a month. 

This new program was created after parents emailed school counselors asking if Big Sibs could have designated lunch tables with their Little Sibs. Guidance counselors then forwarded the concerns to Big Sibs, noting that many freshmen were struggling to make new friends and often spent their lunch periods alone. “Many kids this year have shared that they felt it has been hard to make friends… [The freshmen] just feel the optics of Stuy are very overwhelming to them, and they haven’t had the chance to settle in and make new friends,” guidance counselor Sarah Kornhauser said. “A lot of us in guidance have gotten that feedback.” 

For transfer sophomores, this experience may be more difficult, since they are among the few new ones in their grade. “It’s hard, especially as a transfer sophomore, since so many people already have their own friend groups. You kind of have to force yourself into it, so it feels kind of awkward,” sophomore Katelyn Saheed said. “But I’ve made a bunch of great friends so far. It just felt pretty hard in the beginning.” 

Some freshmen have already assimilated into the new environment and haven’t struggled as much. “I’ve met with almost all of my freshmen, and none have mentioned that they are struggling to make friendships,” guidance counselor Sandra Brandan said. Although creating friendships at Stuy has varying perspectives, the program nevertheless aims to help those struggling to assimilate themselves find community. 

Some ways the Big Sibs are currently promoting the table at Stuy include paper signs in areas where freshmen gather, word of mouth, and Facebook posts. Still, some worry about how many freshmen are actually aware of this. “I am curious about how many freshmen know about this,” guidance counselor Kristina Uy said.

Since the policy came into effect only recently, many Little Sibs have not yet heard about the table. “I didn’t really know it existed until one of my friends told me,” Saheed said.

The table has Big Sibs ready to talk with any Little Sibs who stop by, offering homework help, as well as activities like board games and art books. “Each Big Sib is required to sign up for and attend two lunch periods per month to fulfill their requirement,” senior and Big Sib Chair Catherine Chan said.

The hope is that the table becomes a welcoming spot with a variety of games and activities. “With the policy, what we’re trying to do is just test the waters. We’ve [permanently] added things like board games, cards, and art books [to] the table. We’re trying to be like the library with their puzzle stands,” senior and Big Sib Chair Ellie Mak said.

The ultimate goal of the table is to build friendships, not necessarily between Big Sibs and Little Sibs, but among the Little Sibs themselves. “The hope is not so much for Big Sibs and Little Sibs to make a connection, but that Little Sibs come to the table, become friends and connect, and Big Sibs could [slowly] step back once they’re acquainted,” Mak said.

It remains too early to tell what the reactions of Little Sibs will be, given that the policy only recently took effect. However, Mak said she has not heard negative feedback so far and believes freshmen are open to the idea. “Usually they come to the table, talk for, like, three minutes, then leave. They seem to be fine with the idea. Someone asked me for help with their APES homework. I don’t think they’re seeing it in a bad light,” Mak said.

Big Sibs have expressed mixed reactions to the table’s introduction, noting that the idea is promising but needs stronger organization. One Big Sib said, “I like the initiative, but I do think the execution needs some work. There’s supposed to be a tablecloth and a sign during periods four to eight, but sometimes I’ll arrive during my fifth-period lunch and there’s nothing set up.” They added that while the program’s purpose is valuable, logistical gaps have made it hard to be consistent: “There needs to be more communication about the logistics of the table. I also think the Little Sibs need some incentive—it can be scary (and maybe even embarrassing) to sit at a table with Big Sibs, and we can definitely find ways to make it less daunting.” Despite these early challenges, many Big Sibs see potential in the program once it becomes more established. 

Freshmen have said it’s helpful to have Big Sibs readily available, creating a sense of community and helping them meet each other. “It gives freshmen the opportunity to find help. If you have questions, you can ask them. You can even ask for stuff [that isn’t] school-related,” freshman Nikolozl Khoperia said.

Despite its good intentions, many Big Sibs have voiced concerns about the program. Some questioned its consistency, noting that each Big Sib would only be there twice a month. Others worried that the table might become stigmatized or embarrassing for freshmen to visit the table—something Mak disagreed with. “Someone also said that it might be some sort of social stigma or that freshmen might feel ashamed to go to the table, but I really disagree with that. I don’t think going to your Big Sib should be something shameful; they should be someone you can go to and get help from. I’ve heard a lot of [things]; a few people were positive, but it was mostly negative,” Mak said. 

Some Big Sibs, however, felt that the policy should not be mandatory. Junior and Big Sib Nafis Mahim believes the new requirement goes beyond the traditional goals of the program. “Big Sibs has existed for years as a program for leadership for school activities, events, and additional help in the form of guidance for students,” he said. “I don’t really suggest that it should have to extend beyond that to the point where the team has to go and intervene in other people’s social life, which by far happens to a high degree [during] lunch.” Mahim added that, while the intention is good, Stuyvesant’s large community naturally helps students form friendships over time, and Big Sibs should act as support. Still, Mahim acknowledged that the twice-a-month schedule keeps the requirement manageable for busy upperclassmen. 

Some acknowledged these concerns and suggested creating a buddy system.“I think the Big Sib lunch table is a great idea. It gives freshmen people to talk to during lunch, but it’s geared towards extroverted people,” senior and Big Sib Madelyn Li Nunez said. “I think maybe [we should] have a buddy system for introverts.”

Others appreciate the program’s flexibility and structure. Junior and Big Sib Madeleine Villamil noted that the policy doesn’t require Big Sibs to sit specifically with their Little Sibs, but rather be approachable for any freshman who joins. “I like it because it fosters a sense of community, and we can also get our work done while chatting with Little Sibs and friends,” she said. Villamil also explained that Big Sibs only have to attend twice between September and November, making it easy to balance with their own schedules. “Since there are so many Big Sibs, there will never be a deficit of Big Sibs for the table. It’s a win-win situation.” She added that while some freshmen may initially feel hesitant, she expects that after November, most won’t need the table as much.

Aside from this stigma, Little Sibs have also felt that the table may feel awkward and create obligated friendships that aren’t so authentic. “This table feels like it will create forced friendships, honestly. It’s like when people bring over their friends, and they expect you to immediately become friends with their friends,” Saheed said. “I feel a bit too shy to talk with the Big Sibs. I also feel like I want to make friends on my own and don’t really want this kind of forced friendship. [The Big Sib Chairs] should just have the [Big Sibs] who want to come [do it] rather than require [all of] them [to do it], and then it would be more fun. It would feel more natural, and they wouldn’t feel forced. That’s how I make most of my friends—naturally.”

Overall, counselors note the program works best when freshmen feel comfortable asking for help. “Overall, the kids have felt really good about the Big Sibs when they’ve been brave enough to ask,” Kornhauser said. However, many students still hesitate to ask.

Previously, Little Sibs typically only saw their Big Sibs during the Big Sib-Little Sib Dance, the Student Union-Big Sib Picnic, and homerooms. This year, the administration announced there will be no more homeroom sessions, reducing opportunities for Little Sibs to bond with their Big Sibs. The new lunch program may help fill that gap. “I think it’s a really nice shift the Big Sibs have taken to make these relationships and build mentorship when they [didn’t] have the same opportunities,” Kornhauser said. “I think this was a really nice way in which they pivoted.”  

However, homeroom was still quite essential in building relationships with Big Sibs and other Little Sibs. “Personally, I don’t think anything can truly replace homeroom,” Brandan said. “There was something unique about being with the same group of students once or twice a month for the next four years. Lunch, for example, is different because you’re not with the same group. The good part, though, is that students do meet new people [this] way. Still, I’ll admit, I already miss homeroom.”

The new Big Sib table aims to help freshmen build friendships and find a space where they can comfortably ask for help. Despite some concerns from Big Sibs, the initiative has already started and is located in the cafeteria. “I think [the policy] is potentially helpful if [the Big Sibs] follow through,” Kornhauser said. “I’m interested in seeing what they do.”

Currently, a log sheet tracks Big Sib attendance, with all chairs conducting regular check-ins to monitor the engagement and attendance of Little Sibs. “Success is measured through consistent participation, positive interactions, and feedback from both Big and Little Sibs,” Chan said. 

Contrary to some Little and Big Sibs’ ideas on the success or effectiveness of the new program, there have been positive results so far. “Most importantly, we know the lunch table is making a difference when counselors report fewer requests from students seeking company during lunch periods!” Chan said. 

These success rates can be obstructed by a lack of penalization for Big Sibs unwilling to visit the table, despite the requirement. However, the Big Sib Chairs developed a strike system managed through a shared Google Sheet to keep this potential issue in check. “A Big Sib receives a strike if they miss a scheduled session without prior notice or fail to meet the monthly requirement,” Chan said. “If a member accumulates multiple strikes, the chairs will schedule a meeting to discuss the issue. Continued behavior may lead to removal.”

When accounting for the effectiveness and management of the policy so far, there’s hope among the Big Sibs, Little Sibs, guidance counselors, and students for the future of Little Sib and Big Sib relationships. In the past, Little Sibs have felt disconnected from their own Big Sibs and have strived to change that by becoming one. This policy could be a step closer toward solving this lack of connection. “Many current Big Sibs have shared that the reason they wanted to become Big Sibs was because they didn’t feel as engaged with theirs and wanted to make sure that didn’t happen for the next generation […] To be fair, the past groups weren’t weak, but remember, we were just coming back from COVID four years ago,” Brandan said.“I have a lot of confidence in this year’s group. They’re a strong, thoughtful bunch […] [The policy] just rolled out, so it’s too early to tell. That said, it certainly doesn’t hurt to try new things. Sometimes an activity hits the mark in unexpected ways, and this could be one of those times.”