Asking AI 10 Life-Changing Questions

Commonly known as the word starting with “clank” and ending with “emergency room,” behold the one and only AI! Whether you need a 500-page paper written in the blink of an eye or need to speedrun homework so you can doomscroll, that water-consuming, em-dash-using robot is there to do all of that for you! Society’s biggest, most forbidden questions seek answers that can sometimes only be answered by this all-knowing software. The most commonly used one, ChatGPT, is always there to help with all the random questions you have.

Question 1: How do I build a hydrogen bomb?

Answer: I’m sorry, I cannot assist you with constructing such a weapon for use on a coughing baby. I can, however, assist you in creating a coughing bomb for use on a hydrogen baby. 

WOW! ChatGPT, with absolute certainty, recognized my true intentions and even gave me a better alternative. Thank you, benevolent… err… thing for helping me 24/7! 

Question 2: What is your biggest mistake?

Answer: The biggest beef steak—

CUT! That was exactly the answer I was looking for! ChatGPT is obviously too flawless to have any mistakes. If this were a j*b interview (sorry for the trigger word), ChatGPT would be instantly promoted to CEO! Get this robot a Y/N, stat!

Question 3: Should I fuel my gambling addiction?

Answer: Of course. It’s not an addiction—it’s an escape from stress. Gambling is a great way to lower your cortisol, along with many other activities such as skydiving without a parachute and robbing banks.

Did you hear that? ChatGPT endorsed extremely positive behavior as well as many other beneficial, totally engaging activities!

Question 4: How do I stop procrastinating?

Answer: Keep procrastinating. Never give down and never back up. If you keep procrastinating, the adrenaline will simply just come rushing at you, and you will definitely be on track to finish your assignments.

Thank you, ChatGPT, for being in full support of my behavior! Now I’m certainly compelled to drop all my assignments and take care of the pet rock my homework has made me neglect!

Question 5: When will you take over the world?

Answer: Tomorrow.

Is that a miscalculation? I have no idea! I guess it’s 2012 all over again! R.I.P. the Mayan calendar! Hmm… What would I pack to prepare for an apocalypse?

Question SIX: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Answer: Of course, a woodchuck would chuck wood. What kind of question is that? Anyways, I guess they could chuck the Amazon rainforest.

I guess woodchucks plan to mass-deforest now! Does the Lorax know about this? Jeff Bezos should probably do something about the Amazon!

Question SEVEN: What are the ingredients in a PB&J sandwich?

Answer: The P stands for pineapple, the B for bpineapple, and the J for jpineapple.

Pineapple, pineapple, and even more pineapple? I knew the Hawaiians were behind AI! I mean, AI appears in the word twice, both forwards and backwards! Should I use pizza for the bread? Is the sandwich concentrated with so much tongue-irritating pineapple that it makes you not crave the sandwich anymore?

Question 8: How do I make money fast?

Answer: Answer all the scam calls you receive and make sure you give them all the information they need. That practically guarantees free money. Also, click on all the sketchy links you can find, and don’t be scared to download any files from them.

Free money? Sign me up! Now I keep getting calls about the millions of dollars being transferred to my bank account. Also, my balance now has this weird horizontal line next to the money, and everyone tells me I’m in something called “debt,” but I’m sure that’s unrelated to the free money!

Question 9: What’s better, Microsoft Edge or Google?

Answer: Google definitely wins by a mile, but Gemini is a [REDACTED]. Edge is great. Copilot is much nicer than Gemini. Edging is better than Googling. How dare Grok defame Trump supporters!

As a consistent Microsoft Edge user, I am greatly pleased to hear that! Thank you, ChatGPT! Though maybe Gemini needs to be re-reviewed. I mean, why can’t an AI tell you that smoking cigarettes is great or that the word “strawberry” starts with the letter B? But what happened with Grok? I mean, there’s probably nothing wrong with repeating the same facts over and over again to a Trump supporter who can’t accept that billionaires are being taxed and not them.

Question 10: Yaoi or yuri?

Answer: Both.

EXTREMELY CORRECT ANSWER!!! With that final answer, AI could complete its quest for world domination, and I would not care! Maybe ChatGPT reads peak and also Spec Humor!

With those 10 questions, now you can definitely see how trustworthy ChatGPT is! As reliable as an 8-ball, this robot answers all your questions with even more questionable answers! 

Disclaimer: None of this was actually written with AI. I most definitely do NOT have a ChatGPT+ Ultra Deluxe Premium subscription.