Angry Junior Blows Off College Spam, Gets Acceptance Letter

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By Darren Liang

Junior Tahmid Jamal appears to have discovered a new tactic for getting into more colleges: sending snarky replies to their spam e-mails.

“I was up really late, having not slept for seven days because I was studying for my next science mini quiz. When I refreshed my e-mail, it was full of college spam,” Jamal says. Like any typical junior would, he began marking them all as read, when he came across five Harvard e-mails in a row.

“I could tell they were mocking me! So I did the logical thing by closing my e-mail account, crying for half an hour, clicking on the first e-mail that popped up, and writing back.”

Inspection of Jamal’s e-mail account reveals the following e-mail was sent from his address at 4:20 a.m.

Tahmid Jama,
to Harvard University Office of Admissions

If I had a penny for every college admissions spam letter I’ve received, I’d have enough money to afford your overpriced college by now.

This was what he received in return:

Harvard University Office of Admissions,
to Tahmid Jamal

Congratulations on your acceptance to Harvard University!

We here at Harvard are happy to extend a full scholarship to you for your incredible use of words and eloquence. We were blown away by how creative you were in your response to our e-mail requesting that you “observe our grassy campus, blue light systems, and new building that won’t be available until after you graduate.” As a result, we are willing to allow you to skip the mandatory walking-backward jokes from the tour guides and enroll!

We hope that you will accept.


Presti G. Flimflam
Colleges Admissions Officer, Harvard

Many students remain stunned by Jamal’s easy acceptance to the university, but no others have succeeded using his trick yet. However, in the past several days, college spam e-mails have dropped in frequency from one in every two e-mails in a junior’s inbox to one in every one hundred, for unknown reasons.