A-nya-lizing the Catboy Maid Invasion

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Issue 6, Volume 112

By Eshaal Ubaid, Alexander Chu 

Cover Image

Ah yes, Halloween 2021. We witnessed it all––Vine references, Tampax, Genshin fanatics, and nerds (who were so committed to the act that they said they actually weren’t wearing a costume at all!). Most notably, we’ve noticed an uptick of fabled catboy maids. You heard that right. These drop-dead-stylish outfits came into fashion for the spooky season. The trendy costume dates back to the Ye Olde Age of the 2000s. As a matter of fact, there are accounts of catboy maids in yearbooks dating back to 1937, if you squint. Principals even. (Coughs, Mr. Yu, this is your sign to invest in cat ears).

Our experts here at The Spectator are paw-sitive that this is no cat-incidence.

The most recent group of maids, which has been informally deemed the Demo-nya-ic Maid Cult, has been instilling both awe and fear in the hearts of Stuyvesant students. When one enters the room, full attention and respect is given. They are celebrities, with nothing short of paparazzi and a devoted fanbase. Every day the group grows, and it’s one step away from gaining national news coverage. As far as we know, this cult is unusual, in that it has no set rituals or center. Everyone is simply united by their iconic attire, unrivaled confidence, and plastic cat ears.

The desire to become a cat is quite understandable. Lazy, fierce, and violent upon human contact––it’s a Gen Z teenager’s dream. What baffles us is… why a maid? Why must any cat remain so clean as to prance around in an apron all the time? And why now?

“It was traumatizing to my little Timmy,” said one anonymous parent the morning after Halloween. “He was so mesmerized by the confidence radiating off these individuals that he couldn’t study calculus! He got an 88 on his test! I can’t have him getting into Yale instead of Harvard!”

“I thought Brooklyn Tech was weird for students licking the floor,” chimed another parent, “but I’m even more confused by these maids... Should have sent both kids there...”

We (dis)respectfully disagree. Catboy maids are elegant, powerful representations of unity, intelligence, and 10-for-$5 cat ears from Target’s seasonal Halloween section. Yet, this does not explain why many students were head over tails for this particular combination of ideas. Many may attribute it to the rise of anime, the hard work and dedication of cat ladies, and everything in between. This notion does have some merit. Just look into anyone’s search history. It is there that they hide all of their passions and interests because God forbid society allows us to believe that we can remotely differentiate by a boring pre-established sense of norm-

Ahem. As the best duo of researchers at The Stuyvesant Spectator, we were the only ones mentally sound enough to investigate this phenomenon, and to see why the Invasion of Catboy Maids really happened. Our search led us to a real life catperson in the wild!

“Nya!” said the student, before running off to their next period class on all fours, plastic cat ears and tail glistening in the distance. We considered that a decline to comment.

We also managed to get a hold of an avid catboy maid enthusiast (self proclaimed expert). “Okay so listen. I’m just a weeb and I will own that. It doesn’t matter that it’s $200 and that I need to explain it to my parents. Just please don’t tell my mom I already used her credit card for Genshin Impact Characters,” he said.

Our next interviewee was cut off by a fellow student slapping her mouth shut. How odd. In fact, we heard multiple references to this exclusive catty club throughout the search. A whisper here, a decline to comment there, a demo-nya-ic chant somewhere in between… So naturally, we ignored it. Not because we’re lacking the journalistic urge, but because we live in fear of what lies beyond the search.

Our conclusion? To be quite honest, judging people based on their choice in clothing is a waste of time. Go do something with your day. See the sun. Reflect. Have an existential crisis. Leave the catboy maids alone, even if the threat of the demo-nya-ic cult looms closer with every investigation we do. Thus far we have gained friendship and fond memories with the catboy maids and hope that you will as well. See you at our next investigation.