A Letter to Homework
Issue 13, Volume 112
I think we should take a break from each other. I just feel like this relationship is kind of one-sided, with me doing you until 2:00 a.m., and you returning the favor by giving me sleep deprivation. See, I’m trying to get taller so that “you’re short” isn’t a valid retort from my friends anymore. That means I need more sleep; in fact, everyone at Stuy needs more sleep, if you didn’t get the memo. Go hassle someone that’s six feet tall, okay?
My teachers say I should only spend 30 minutes with you per day, but you just can’t get enough of me, can you? It’s so sad that I spend more time with you than I spend with the people I love—my parents, my friends, my crush… my other five crushes… And it’s not just me; my friends complain about you too! Thanks for damaging our mental and emotional health. I hope you know you’re going to pay for my therapy bills.
My home is supposed to be a place where I can relax after eight hours of school, not a place where I do another eight hours of school-related stuff. I mean, seriously, why do you take so long to finish? I have a life, you know. I get a lot of texts (although half of the messages are from my mom) but I can’t text peacefully while you’re making me feel guilty for procrastinating. Maybe I’d be done with you faster if you weren’t so boring. If you made more of an effort to be interesting, I wouldn’t be so easily distracted.
Sometimes I like to close my eyes and pretend you don’t exist. That’s the only time when my mind is at peace, so it’s a shame when I have to come back to reality and see your ugly, 12-point Times New Roman font spread out in front of me. I even dread going home after school because it means I’ll have to deal with you. You keep telling me to do you again and again, but I can’t do this anymore. Let’s put up some boundaries between us because, otherwise, I think I’ll suffocate. I’m done being passive; I want to set you on fire and throw you in the Hudson.
All my non-Stuyvesant friends think I’m a nerd who has no social life, all because you’re taking up the entirety of my time! Every time I think you’re finished, you just come back again. But unfortunately, as much as I despise you, homework, you’re also very important to me. If I neglect you, my grades will drop from gleaming 100s to… dare I say it, 99s! I once dreamt that you were finished, but I suppose that was too good to be true—you always have more problems to burden me with. So I guess I should resign myself to the fact that I’ll never truly be able to get over you.