ZOOM CALL©: The (Only) Latest Board Game Craze!
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There is no doubt that many of you have heard of the new ZOOM CALL© board game. Patented by the Obvious Shrub company, it has quickly become something of a pandemic novelty. Will we one day bring out these faded board game boxes for our children and rant to them about life in the ‘20s? Who knows, but if you don’t have this game already, here's why you should get it!
The game comes with four miniature icon pieces to move around the board: a cat on a computer, a no mic symbol, a no video symbol, and a tiny broken wifi-router. This means you can play with as little as ⅓ of a person, or with up to four people (or more, if they don’t mind playing without an icon)! The idea of the game itself is fairly simple: it’s like Candyland, but instead of using cards, you determine how many spaces to move forward by the roll of a die. Sometimes the dice glitch in and out of existence, so be careful not to lose them! When the game starts, if you roll below a three, you are considered late to the call and will have to skip a turn and make up an excuse for your tardiness (ex: Sorry, but I decided to move to Alaska and there’s a bit of a time difference).
There are many different types of spaces on the board, ranging from question spaces (where you will have to answer a multiple choice question with no context at all since you haven’t been paying attention to the call) to spaces that will send you back five spaces because your internet is shaky. The fickle, luck-based nature of the game reminds us of our chances of success in the online Zoom classes of days past. If you manage to reach the end of the board game—which many people don’t, since they almost always land on a “call disconnected due to error” space—there is absolutely no reward and the instructions say to take your piece back to the starting square, allowing for potentially infinite (and eventually depression-inducing) gameplay!
Even the art on the game board reflects the Zoom call experience, with the game featuring highly detailed art in some spots but, more often than not, stick figure drawings done with ballpoint pen and disjointed notes. The board also leaves blank spots for you to decorate with your own horrible artwork, or simply for you to leave blank if you’re too lazy. Most of the artwork is done in the penwork of the whiteboard feature, with stiff lines and bright colors. If you happen to shift around the playing board during the middle of a game, the whiteboard aspect of the art will become even more apparent, as the drawings will stay in the same location relative to the surface you are playing on. Shift the board too far, and the art ends up forever embedded in your antique wooden table! Yet another feature of ZOOM CALL© that makes for intense gameplay!
ZOOM CALL© has also received many positive reviews from students and teachers alike. Sophomore Obama Kare says, “I love this game. It lets me return to a time when I thought that I knew what I was doing in Stuyvesant… before all the paper homework assignments and broken escalators, *Sighhh* I guess I am getting old…” Another player, a freshman named Medi Kaide, says, “Ha! This game is fun! I used the whiteboard art to tattoo my brother’s limited edition among us plushy! REVENGE!!!!” As for teachers, many like to enjoy this game during their off-hours and even when students are having exams or working on classwork. Mr. Dirt, an AP environment teacher, says, “Yeah, I love playing this game when the students are taking tests. I think it makes them jealous, and it also distracts me from the sounds of sobbing I hear during the exam! Totally a 10/10 game!”
By now, this game’s appeal is surely clear! This mockery of Zoom calls lets us go back and make fun of the confusing classes we once had to endure. You can order your ZOOM CALL© today at this link: Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up (Official Music Video) - YouTube. Darn, it included the title, didn’t it…