Yet Another Tetris Player Fails as an Architect
Issue 15, Volume 113
The collapse of the Russo-Smith Apartment Buildings has been attributed to yet another architect who played Tetris in high school. This marks the fifth such incident within the last eight years, starting with the Chan-Chew housing collapse of 2015.
Tetris, a popular game created on June 6, 1984, has seen a recent spike in popularity, akin to other games like chess but not as geared toward nerds. Analysts attribute this rise in popularity to sites such as Jstris and that one friend who won’t stop asking you to play against them on Jstris.
“You see, these prospective Tetris players are coming out of high school thinking that, because they play Tetris, they can build skyscrapers,” said DeGrasowitz-Russman Architecture Firm head Ronald DeGrasowitz. “It’s not that simple; the structural integrity of a building is far different from your video game. There are other factors at play, like balance, wind speeds, and livability. At least the Minecraft builders don’t have that problem—they just need to get used to gravity.”
We asked new residents in New York City about their fears of living in apartment buildings in light of these collapses.
“Frankly, I’m terrified,” said Alexandria Zhuang, who recently moved from Salt Lake City. “I have no way of knowing if my apartment was built by some Tetris fanatic who dominates Tetris 99. My apartment could fall over at any moment because the builder set it up for a triple T-spin.”
Sources have confirmed that the NYC DOE has been working on programs to edge high schoolers away from Tetris and architectural degrees and to instead push them toward osu! and music production majors.