Which Spooky Something Are You?

With this formula, you’ll be able to answer the only burning question in your life: which autumn-themed article am I?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Cover Image
By Sophie Poget

Howdy, folks! You may or may not have noticed, but it is officially spooky season! You know what that means? It means it’s time to embrace all things spooky.

If you have ever found yourself at a crossroads between which of these gloriously pumpkin-themed trinkets or snacks you’d be, fear not, for I present you with a solution. With this mathematically sound formula, I shall put your racing thoughts to rest. The formula states that the adjective attached to your zodiac sign + the connector attached to the first letter of your name + the noun attached to your height range will produce the result of which fall-themed object you’d be if you were one. Now, get excited for the knowledge you’re about to uncover!

Drumroll, please.

You are a(n)…

Zodiac sign: + First Letter of your name: + Your height:

Zodiac Signs

Aquarius: Ghastly

Pisces: Brooding

Aries: Sinister

Taurus: Gory

Gemini: Wicked

Cancer: Spooky

Leo: Deadly

Virgo: Undead

Libra: Menacing

Scorpio: Masked

Sagittarius: Bloodcurdling

Capricorn: Fiendish

First Letter of Your Name

A: yet cinnamon-y

B: and orange

C: but dusty

D: in the name of spookiness

E: yet riddled with cobwebs

F: and zombie-like

G: as ever

H: and crispy

I: but disappointing

J: yet somehow surprisingly suspicious

K: with a hint of malicious intent

L: and unfortunately burnt

M: (and obnoxiously so)

N: and carved

O: but somehow on fire

P: and cold

Q: along with fellow spooky peers

R: and covered with a strange mold

S: contrary to popular belief

T: while rifling through spell books

U: (as a result of one particularly eventful Halloween)

V: but delicious

W: yet still not in a spooky mood

X: with a spooky purpose

Y: and on a broomstick

Z: and over-spiced


<5’0”: Haunted windowsill

5’1”-5’3”: Pumpkin spiced scam

5’4”-5’6”: Purposefully forgotten bat-shaped gummy

5’7”-5’9”: Crusty apple cider donut

5’10”-6’0”: Bag of stale candy corn and lies

>6’1”: Rotting jack-o’-lantern

And voilà! There you have it, folks! Now you can go back to finishing the lab you’ve been putting off for a week. Don’t worry, this was written while I was in the same boat :”{ But at least now I know I’m a wicked, with a hint of malicious intent, crusty apple cider donut! I hope you find your Spooky Something as wonderful as you are! Stay spooky folks~