What You Should Eat for Lunch Based Off of Your AP

An accurate list of things you’re probably eating for lunch based on your AP class.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

In honor of the end of AP season, we folks at the Humor department have decided to compile a list of quippy remarks that are 100 percent factual and definitely not slander. Behold: our lunch recommendations for you, based on your AP!

  1. AP Environmental Science

Legumes, organic produce, and compostable burrito bowls—Chipotle is the place to go if you take APES. In a burrito, burrito bowl, or taco, you can receive all of the seven essential nutrients needed to support your farming endeavors. And, if you want to emulate our king, Mr. Citron, one of our two most beloved APES teachers, then you might want to skip the meat option. 

  1. AP European History

There’s no place like home. Oops, I meant Rome. There’s no place like Rome because when in Rome… you eat Roma Bagels! Not really, but I hope you get my point. Roma Bagels are the perfect option for those who take AP Euro. It's a great and much-needed energy source to help you memorize which Henry is which.

  1. AP Human Geography

If you take AP Human Geography, are you even taking a real AP? (Please don’t attack us in the hallways). Since you’re taking a class that is so light and shouldn’t receive college credits (again, please don’t hurt us), you 100 percent have enough time to pack your own home lunch. 

  1. AP English

You must be a stickler for pain, because who in their right mind would want to write three essays as a junior or senior? What you’re eating for lunch should definitely be a home-cooked meal that takes over three hours to make, since you definitely have the endurance to write three essays in a two-hour timespan. 

  1. AP Physics

If you take AP Physics, you obviously don’t love yourself, so you might as well not eat lunch anyway. You also probably don’t shower. Or sleep. (This is satire; please eat lunch and take a shower immediately).

  1. AP Chem

Gah dayum. You AP Chem takers are insane for even taking the class, but even more so in your eating habits. I have a friend who measures out exactly one molar of OJ every morning and exactly 69.6 (with sig figs) grams of oats. Oh, the horror! Please, at least enjoy your food if you’re not going to enjoy life.

We hope that whatever you eat, like you at the end of your AP journey, it’ll be a meal that gets a five-star rating and nothing less.