What SAT Scores YOU Should Get Based on your Major

SAT season is steadily approaching, and many of you guys have only a few weeks or days until your testing date. As you struggle to juggle homework, extracurriculars, and video games, not much time is left to prepare. Though you may feel as if you have to get a 1600, your dream score is entirely dependent on your major. Well, have no fear! We are here to help ease your SAT doubts while also providing fantastic advice. This article will provide information on the fastest ways—everyone at Stuy is skilled at procrastinating and cramming—to hit scores that will get you into Ivy League schools. 

“If I am going for a CS major, what SAT score is good for me?”

Well, sir or madam or pal, you probably hardly go outside, have allergic reactions to showers, or are a furry. Better yet, you probably possess all three fantastic traits. Perfect! These three traits can help you not only with the SAT but also with college applications. However, we all know that CS j*bs and even college program applicati*ns are very competitive, so you would want at least a 1750 on the SAT. 

“What? But I thought the maximum on the SAT is a 1600?” 

The biggest myth about the SAT is that the maximum score attainable is a 1600. In reality, the College Board wants to gatekeep the fact that scores are actually capped at 2000 to help top colleges rat out the best of the best. After all, colleges are tired of hearing about people scoring 1600s; it has become too common. Fortunately, you can easily gain an extra 150 points on your SAT if you apply these three techniques that have been personally tested by SAT experts: 

1. Essay: Why did the College Board make the essay portion optional? “Because it was too much work to study for both the multiple choice and the essay, duh,” you might say. WRONG. They want you to write essays IN THE NOTES. If you really want those extra 150 points, write a 600-word argumentative essay, double-spaced in Times New Roman 12-point font, supporting all of your answer choices during both of the ELA modules. This method both woos the company—especially if you end up with the harder module two—and makes use of any extra time you have during the exam, bringing me to my next point…
2. Extra Time: The less time you spend per module, the better. A solid SAT completion time should be around ten minutes per module (essay included) for Stuyvesant students, but if you apply for CS programs, prepare to bring that time down to around five minutes. The faster you answer, the more points you are awarded per module, which is why scores can be capped at 2000. Of course, we expect you to have a typing speed of around 300 WPM. It is only natural, given that you want to be a CS major. To do this, you have to never go outside (something that is already easy for you) and practice typing for six to seven hours each day. During these six to seven hours, avoid any distractions such as showers, food, or your Discord kittens. 
3. Eliminate Competition: Do everything in your power to distract your enemies in the testing room, whether it’s smelling like a landfill, farting obscenely loudly, or using any other tactic that causes your fellow students to LOSE FOCUS. If you are a goody-two-shoes and want more ethical methods, try: stomping your foot on the ground, enough to send vibrations across the entire testing site; reading questions to yourself loud enough for your fellow test takers to hear but not the proctors; and “accidentally” brushing the eraser shavings from your desk onto that of other people. Disclaimer: Make sure your tactics are legal to avoid invalidating your exam. We are NOT responsible for any exams that have been invalidated. 

“Dude, the CS field is overrated. What if I am going for a Philosophy major?” 

Hold up. My first thought: Your parents would want you to just sit around and start contemplating the current geopolitical state of the world? To be honest, you probably would be spending the majority of your time contemplating the vocabulary words on the first couple of questions on the reading and writing modules. “Hmmmm, all these word choices make sense,” you would think to yourself. Then, you would spiral in thought until the word horizontal refers to the Y-axis. At this point, do you even need to get a degree in philosophy? Do degrees in philosophy exist? What is philosophy? What is a degree? You would not need a very high SAT score for a philosophy major, considering the SAT is not very philosophical. Perhaps aim for a 1600, at minimum. It is not that hard to score a 1600. 

“Enough talk. What if I want to become a doctor? Maybe a nurse?” 

First off, do you really want to work in the medical field, or do you just want to become rich? To answer that question, picture a hospital as the SAT itself, the patients being the various questions, the medication being the answer choices for those questions, and the staff being you, the test taker. If you want to show schools that you would make a good fit in the medical field, you have to ensure that you don’t get any of the questions wrong. What use would a medical student be if they end up having even one patient fall severely ill with an incorrect prescription, a botched surgery, or experimentation? You do not want the hospital you work at to be hit with a lawsuit, potentially leading to you losing your job (as well as assets in the lawsuit) and being shunned by the medical world. 

If you want to join the medical field at all, you must get a perfect 2000. No ifs, buts, or ands, since there is no room for error in medicine. Who cares if your desired college or university has an acceptance rate of 90 percent? You must show that you are the starriest of all star students. Make sure to pull many all-nighters just preparing for the SAT, supplied with endless empty cans of Celsius, Monster, and Red Bull. Do you feel extremely exhausted during school, leading to your GPA slowly trickling down? It does not matter. It is common knowledge that the SAT is superior to GPA. Prepare to sacrifice all of your mathematical knowledge for the great gift of almighty Desmos, which may affect your grades in math classes. 

With such wise advice, this article will surely help to ease your worries about the SAT experience. If you have any questions about how other majors should tackle the SAT, please do not ask. Other than the three majors mentioned above, all majors are practically irrelevant. What is it I hear? You want to be a lawyer? You want to major in finance? Good luck trying to major in irrelevancy.