The Story of StuySquad 2024
StuySquad 2024 did not go as planned …
Reading Time: 3 minutes
It was finally the day everyone had been waiting for: January 19, 2024. The collective dance groups of all different genres and cultures would come together for one of the best showcases of the school year, StuySquad. The groups had an early start this year and practiced and practiced until the balls of their feet were as red as tomatoes. Every choreo was trimmed to perfection. What could possibly go wrong?
By 4:00 p.m., the auditorium was filling up. Volunteers continued scanning ticket QR codes and stopping students from trying to sneak into the show. Seven dollars or go home! Nothing in life is free. Eventually, the lights dimmed and the show was ready to begin.
“Wait! A short delay. Fifteen minutes and it will begin,” said one of the presenters from the back of the auditorium. There was a malfunction with the lights, and they actually needed an hour until they could start the show. Audience members grew visibly tired of waiting, so the StuySquad directors began their introduction. The microphone turned on but was abruptly interrupted by a loud BEEEEP.
“Ladies and gentl—” the presenter was unable to finish their sentence because one of the backstage mics accidentally connected to the speakers and began blaring very… non-school appropriate sounds. The audience was shocked! The presenters dropped off stage, accidentally dragging the curtains with them and revealing the disastrous scene unfolding behind the red velvet drapes. Blouses were being clipped, shoes were mismatched, and last-minute wigs blew off, revealing multiple bald heads. It was a fever dream. Everyone who was once backstage rushed off and the lights went out, leaving the audience in the dark.
A four-hour delay was announced so that the performers could get everything in order. The audience booed and sat back in their seats, getting out their phones to go on Facebook Live and angrily type backhanded posts about the event.
When the orchestra groups came onto the stage, ending the delay, all seemed back on track. Stuy Bolly started to organize themselves for their performance. Everything was going well, but in the back of the audience, there was a lot of chattering between the directors: “Bolly is supposed to go on later? What’s going on?” All of a sudden, a new beat hit the speakers and Modern walked out from the other side of the stage. Modern and Bolly had to avoid each other while performers looked at one another in confusion. The directors called in every single dance group to go on the stage so that it looked like a planned performance. Due to the chaos on stage, multiple performers sustained injuries, including a really bad tummy ache (we think they just drank a lot of milk), but the show had to go on! Eventually, everyone got off the stage so that Modern could perform their planned dance routine, though they had to modify it—now they had only 29.5 dancers instead of the original 30.
Last was Flow, for their grand finale performance. Every member was shaky since their parents had called 50 times wondering why they were not home yet. Still, they got on stage to finish off the disastrous show, right as the clock struck midnight.
StuySquad 2024 was one of the biggest scandals in Stuyvesant history. Due to the abysmal nature of the event, Stuyvesant is now facing multiple lawsuits from parents and StuySquad members alike. However, the school made a considerable profit off of the StuySquad media attention—interviews and documentaries galore! These profits were allegedly used to pay settlements for the aforementioned lawsuits, so the net profit was near nothing. From the mountain top highs to the lowest of lows, the grandchildren of future generations will know of the StuySquad 2024 disaster.