The Psychology of Gift-Giving

It’s that time of year again: Christmas is just around the corner and people excitedly wait to exchange gifts with family and friends. We all want our loved ones to be happy with our gifts, but we also fear that our gifts may not be what they wanted, which can make Christmas more stressful than it is cheerful. But how can we make sure our gifts are meaningful to our recipients, and they come off in the right way? What psychological factors come into play when we give and receive presents?

Receiving a gift is inherently one of the most exciting parts of the holiday season—humans like to receive things free of cost. A good gift triggers dopamine release by the hypothalamus—the part of the brain that manages hormone release throughout the body—causing the recipient to feel happy. This release of dopamine is critical for the formation and long-term consolidation of episodic memories within the hippocampus—the part of the brain that allows us to store and retrieve details about specific events in our lives. These episodic memories are also connected with associative memory formation by the medial temporal lobe; this allows us to retrieve memories based on cues from the environment such as the gifts given to us. These two memory-formation pathways make gift experiences extremely special and help improve relationships.

However, some gifts bring us more joy than others, and this doesn’t necessarily correlate to the quality of the gift. For example, a gift card from a younger sibling can make us as happy as some new clothes from our parents, even though both gifts may have taken different amounts of effort to acquire. How much happiness a gift gives us is heavily dependent on our expectations of the giver, which are affected by our previous experiences with them. We have higher expectations of our parents compared to our siblings when it comes to gifts due to the gifts we have received in the past, and matching of respective gifts and our expectations proportionately affects our happiness levels. If a gift does not match our expectations, we change our expectations of the giver to match our expectations with reality—a process known as accommodation. Additionally, our expectations of whether we will enjoy a gift or not can unintentionally make us more inclined to believe in our expectations; this is known as the self-fulfilling prophecy. It is important to keep our expectations in check in order to truly appreciate the gift’s sentiment.

Generally, the gift-giving experience benefits not only the gift recipient but the gift giver as well. In fact, neuroimaging studies show there are higher dopamine levels in certain regions of the brain for people who give gifts than of people who don’t, indicating that gift-givers may be happier. This goes against our typical notion of what makes us happier; whatever benefits us doesn’t necessarily make us the happiest. An explanation for this revolves around altruism—the practice of caring for the well-being of others without much regard for ourselves. When we give a gift to someone, our self-esteem increases due to our impression that we are doing a good deed and improving a relationship. When giving gifts, we actively share the happiness the recipient experiences as if it were our own. Additionally, although we spend resources to give a gift, we subconsciously follow the reciprocity norm, expecting the gift recipient to reciprocate generosity. This benefits us in the long run, demonstrating how the gift-giving process benefits both people.

 Before deciding on a gift, it is important to determine your relationship with the recipient. The most important part of the gift-giving process is the context, and you don’t want your gift to be a misinterpretation of your relationship with that person. If you are in a colleague-like relationship with your recipient, a good gift would be something general such as gift cards and chocolate, but if you are close with your recipient, the gift can be more personal. This also affects the way you should wrap your gift, as your relationship with the recipient affects how they perceive the wrapping in terms of gift quality. A study found that between close friends, loosely wrapped gifts were perceived as higher quality whereas between acquaintances, loosely wrapped gifts were interpreted to be lower quality. Relationship quality determines the expectations of the recipient, affecting the person’s appreciation of the gift.

The final step is the gift itself. What makes a good gift, and how can you figure out what your gift recipient wants? When it comes to finding the perfect gift, you have to step out of your own shoes and put yourself in the perspective of your recipient. In his research, Assistant Professor of Marketing at West Virginia University Dr. Julian Givi found that more often than not, people give gifts that reflect their own desires and motivations, not the recipients’. Find the passions, desires, and joys of the people through your daily interactions with them. If you see your friend painting in their free time, a canvas would be a great gift for them, and likewise, if they complain about not having enough notebooks for classes, notebooks would be a great gift. The price of the gift doesn’t matter in these cases; it is the sentimental value representing your relationship that matters. 

The spirit of the holidays revolves around cherishing your relationships and showing that you care about the ones you love, and the gifts you give represent how much you pay attention to them. The greatest gift you can give someone isn’t any material item but the lifelong memories you make from your generosity.