The Case Against a Nap Period

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Issue 13, Volume 111

By Asa Muhammad 

Students of Stuyvesant High School are known to be chronically tired. They take their sleep in installments, and the payments always seem to come late. The oft proposed solution is that we institute a naptime. While this idea sounds wonderful in concept––a blissful period to doze off and delight yourself in the hypnosis of the diurnal siesta––Stuyvesant would, in true “Pro dolor, aegritudo, nobis” fashion, find a way to ruin it.

Firstly, if a formal naptime were to be instituted, even though napping is considered one of the most elusive arts to master, it would be a gym class (due to sleep having to do with our health or something). This isn’t inherently bad, but with the varying quality of gym teachers, you may have one of our more “authoritarian” instructors proctoring your 55 minutes of what should be bliss. Whether they’re demanding you remove your hoodie because this is “still a real class,” or insisting you keep your camera on “to make sure you’re practicing proper side sleeping form,” the tiny terror and Doctor Sleep would do everything in their power to make this exercise in tranquility as stressful as possible.

Beyond the risk of nightmarish teachers, our student body just does not have a sleep positive culture. Naptime sounds like a dream, but students would indubitably cut nap class to finish their assignments due next period.

“Well if I have two pages of physics due next period, there’s no way I’m going to sleep class. What are they going to do? Fail me? ‘Sorry mom, I’m missing three assignments in math because I had to go to naptime and I couldn’t do it earlier because I was procrastinating.’ Inconceivable. I value my procrastination time, and plus, even if I miss a few nap classes, I should get extra credit for being so slept on––this is going in Spec, right? Yo, check out my Soundclou—” junior Preston Zheng said.

His sentiment is a popular one, but the issue extends far beyond in-class attendance. If naptime were to assign homework (which it most definitely would, considering that our lack of commute time frees up valuable working hours), it would almost immediately become a crutch for overwhelmed students. Excuses like “I’m sorry my paper is late, but my sleep assignment took a little longer than I thought” would become all too common, or conversely, students would just lie on their sleeping logs like they lie on their gym logs. 4:00 a.m submissions would become signs of a good night's rest rather than a good day’s work. (The Spectator does not condone lying on your gym logs. In fact, if you do, you’re a disgrace. I’m so dedicated that I can do two days of exercise in the 10 minutes after the form is posted.)

In conclusion, the entire premise of naptime would be undermined by the overworked students who begged for it in the first place. Naptime would be a sanctuary from the omnipresent stresses of our school, but unfortunately, Stuyvesant scoffs at Hypnos in favor of the Algea, patrons of our sorrow.