Teachers Are Secretly Thrilled With the End of the Semester

As the end of the semester nears, teachers tell their students that they will miss them, but it’s discovered that they actually mean the opposite of what they say.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

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By Sophia Li

One early morning at 3:00 a.m., I awoke in a cold sweat, suddenly remembering that the semester would soon be over. It felt like the world was ending! It was another major change from what everyone was familiar with.

Soon, schedules would be switched, classmates would be swapped, and new teachers would be assigned. While some may have bittersweet feelings about this, others are ecstatic to escape from the wrath of their least favorite teacher or their most annoying classmates.

I knew these feelings all too well. After all, I’m a student.

But what about teachers?

For the next few days, I interviewed my teachers about their feelings and opinions of watching their students leave their classes each year, under the pretense of writing a Features article. Little did they know, I’m a Humor writer, and I have the privilege to do whatever I want.

Strangely enough, all the teachers responded with the same exact answer: “I’ll always remember each and every one of my students, as they are all precious to me. They will always be engraved in my heart. Each time classes change and I watch my students leave, I am always filled with an immense amount of sadness, but I wish them the best for their future. Even now, as the end of the semester is approaching, I feel the same way. I want to cry my eyes out and use up all the tissues I had stocked up on during quarantine.”

Dozens of teachers were interviewed, and not a word different from any of them! This was way too suspicious. I had to figure out what was going on.

With no one to help satisfy my burning curiosity (there wasn’t anybody around, and even if they were, they were sure to take the side of their teachers), I took it upon myself to find out.

I pulled out my computer and promptly hacked into my teachers’ devices using my amazing, unbelievably legendary computer skills. After pulling multiple all-nighters, combing through thousands of Google searches (teachers search up “how to spell stuyvasint” too!), scrolling through hundreds of texts (if you were wondering, they were all a huge yikes), and watching multiple video conferences (I taught myself how to spot plagiarism in papers! Teachers are a lot less clueless than we think), I found some concrete evidence of the teachers’ true feelings about saying goodbye to their students.

Here’s an excerpt from a video conversation between two teachers:

“My classes are just such a nightmare! I can’t wait until the end of the semester when I can get these students off my hands,” teacher A exclaimed.

“My thoughts exactly! No one participates, and I just end up staring at little icons, seemingly talking to myself! I’m slowly going insane!” teacher B added on.

“I tell my students that I'll miss them, but frankly, I won’t! I’m shivering with excitement just thinking about the day they’re all gone,” teacher A laughed.

Needless to say, I was shocked. Though I expected to be surprised, I didn’t think I would hear such piping hot tea!

I found similar information in the search history of other teachers. They even took their concerns to Google! (Well, some used Bing.)

“How to tell a convincing lie to children”

“How to act emotional”

“How to keep a straight face while lying”

“How dumb r students”

“How easy is it to lie to high school students”

Just how many lies have our teachers told us?!

*Identities are hidden for anonymity reasons and for the safety of my average*

Finding out that teachers actually despised their students dealt a huge blow to my perception of teachers. Who knew that they were hiding so many secrets beneath their innocent facade?

If they could lie about this, what else are they hiding from us?

I decided that from then on, I wouldn’t waste my hacking skills and would instead use them to shed light on the rest of the mysteries our teachers are concealing. There must be so much more that I can uncover and expose!