Students Open Up About the “Tiger Parent” Stereotype

A student receives a test back from last Thursday and, to their surprise, an unfortunate number is written on the top of the exam in bold red ink: 89. After studying an exhausting three hours the night before, even staying up until 1:00 a.m., surely, they would have earned a more desirable score. While the score was above average, that victory alone was insufficient in comparison to the expectation of perfection given by their “tiger” parents.

“Tiger parenting” is an authoritative parenting style that prioritizes high academic performance through strict discipline, placing a strong emphasis on obedience. This phenomenon, popularized by Amy Chua’s 2011 memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, is characterized by a demand for a child’s stellar grades, excellence in extracurricular activities, tightly structured routines for studies, and limited autonomy—expectations that Stuyvesant students commonly face due to their own tiger parents. However, this adopted approach remains controversial due to concerns about its effectiveness and impact on a child’s development and emotional health.

While the tiger parenting style may drive academic motivation and achievement, many students feel that this approach can significantly strain well-being. While not having tiger parents herself, sophomore Selina Zheng acknowledged its detrimental effects on students. “I do know a few friends at Stuyvesant who have tiger parents, and I feel that it is common for Stuyvesant students to have tiger parents who pressure them to have good grades. They often sacrifice their health in order to meet their parents’ expectations, and we can see that on the subway and in school, where they fall asleep on the train or skip lunch to go to the library,” she reflected. Zheng’s observations expose an unfortunate reality of tiger parenting where parents prioritize academic achievement at the expense of their child’s well-being. Thus, students are compelled to strive to meet their parents’ standards rather than to pursue their own interests because they feel that their worth is measured solely by their parents’ expectations.

Students raised by controlling parents may experience anxiety and emotional distress. As a result, their relationship with their parents can become strained and emotionally distant. Anonymous Freshman A shared, “Because of my parents, I learned that I wasn’t afraid of failure. I was afraid of them, and what they would do to me. Most of the time it felt like they just wanted to see 90s and above on my report cards instead of building a genuine relationship with me, and I just can’t really look up to them.” When parents are overly strict when it comes to grades, it can severely erode their relationships with their children, as the child begins to feel unsupported and emotionally disconnected from their parents.

Children thrive on unconditional love, not love that relies on high grades. “Some students may have challenges with trying to meet these expectations because they may be hard to get, such as maintaining a GPA of 98 or above,” freshman Afsheen Alim said. “The most challenging aspect is just the pressure involved and how hard they have to push themselves to reach a certain threshold to feel something.” Under the influence of tiger parents, children often rely on academic success to experience emotional fulfillment and affection. This suggests that they achieve success solely for parental approval, rather than upholding values true to themselves. When their self-worth becomes dependent on numbers, it emphasizes the irony of tiger parenting: a system with the intention to encourage achievement can instead cause emotional pressure that undermines it. 

Additionally, children with tiger parents may struggle to communicate emotions they were never taught to handle. “These expectations can increase the stress levels of students, which can lead to mental issues,” Zheng said. “Stress levels during regents week, AP exam season, and finals week can lead to insomnia and exhaustion, with some students losing motivation, sleep, and  negatively impact their health and emotional state. These things will interfere with what they already have going on and they often avoid help because of the influence of their parents.” When communication, trust, and respect falls apart, students are more likely to suppress their struggles and emotional breakdowns. Problems often build up instead of being addressed, which can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and emotional burnout. 

At the same time, a child’s own values can be influenced by their tiger parents’ expectations. “I always thought that my parents’ expectations when they [practiced] more [...] tiger parenting were normal, but, over time, I realized that I expect more from myself because of the pressure I had since I was younger,” Alim said. “Because of this, I haven’t had any challenges while trying to face their expectations.” Her experience suggests tiger parenting can lead to internalizing parental expectations, where pressures become self-imposed.

However, Alim feels that moderate levels of tiger parenting can benefit students, as it can simultaneously teach them principles of discipline and perseverance, as well as the importance of hard work. “Tiger parenting was effective for me because my parents didn’t overdo the pressure,” Alim explained. “I was able to become valedictorian in middle school, achieve over 60 certificates, and perform well on all of my exams [...] I feel like I would perform differently with less strict parenting because my parents’ expectations also shaped mine and reflected upon my ability to perform in school,” she said. When applied in moderation, parents can foster ambition to help their children establish goals that guide them to future success and strengthen their abilities to handle situations independently.

Regardless, students still feel that many adults, including parents and even teachers, seem to overlook the effects that tiger parenting has on students. “A common misconception that schools and parents have is that this tiger parenting style is good for [students]. Sure, a competitive environment and one that pushes can help one [student] succeed, but do it too much and you risk cracking them. Besides, these kids are merely teenagers who haven’t even finished most of their physiological development; they’re still growing,” freshman Matthew Chen explained in an email interview. Students believe that adults fail to recognize that success is not solely defined by receiving high marks, but also by the ability to maintain a healthy mental state, to focus on personal growth, and to be able to express themselves outside of academics. 

Nevertheless, students are able to acknowledge that tiger parents have well-intentioned motivations. They often push their children to make decisions because they want them to be successful. “They believe that this is what is best for them. Many tiger-style parents are immigrants, [and] people who have had to be disciplined and hard-working in order to get where they are now,” Chen expressed. These parents’ methods, though strict, are driven by the belief that they are acting in their child’s best interest, rooted in the desire to prepare them with skills and resilience.

Although the tiger parenting style is stereotypically associated with East Asian families, some East Asian students feel that it does not accurately reflect their experiences. “The stereotype treats all East Asian families as if we all have tyrannical tiger parents, and it’s just frustrating when others assume our family dynamics,” Chen shared. “Also, a major part of this is connecting tiger parenting with another stereotype that claims all East Asians are ‘smart’ or ‘good at math,’ which makes people with an outsider point of view think that tiger parenting is an automatic ‘good’ thing. It feels like I’m being placed in a category that doesn’t actually represent me,” Chen added, referring to beliefs known as the “model minority” stereotype.

The tiger parenting phenomenon reflects a broader societal issue in which success is measured by performance and achievement rather than by personal growth and expression. While high academic achievement is celebrated by tiger parents, the inevitable pressure to constantly excel can lead to emotional burnout, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth in their children. Students should value both their academic success and health equally. “My parents say that success comes from knowing how to take care of yourself and from gaining experience. Academics and extracurriculars should not take up all the time a student has. There must be enough time for students to have fun, be social, explore new things, and to rest,” Zheng shared. Ultimately, while tiger parenting approaches can push for motivation, its adverse effects on a students’ mental health emphasizes the importance of redefining success to include the personal development of students in all areas.