Spectator Members Go On Strike

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Issue 13, Volume 112

By Muhib Muhib 

To begin the month of April, the publication of The Spectator has been indefinitely suspended! No, the administration didn’t shut down our newspaper again because we wrote some outlandish satire about them. The publication has been halted after nearly all of The Spectator’s members (except for me) went on strike demanding a salary for their biweekly perseverance and effort.

Juniors and Editors-in-Chief Maya Nelson and Momoca Mairaj announced the suspension today, stating that, “We must unfortunately suspend production and distribution of The Spectator indefinitely, effective immediately. This is due to the fact that members of The Spectator are insufficiently compensated for their devotion to this paper. We sacrifice our lives for this paper, yet all it amounts to is measly fluff on our college applications. This distracts us from exams and college apps without good reason. Many of us have already failed the SAT and ACT thanks to this biweekly paper. We urge all members of the paper to go on strike and demand salaries from the administration (even though we’re independently funded).”

Spectator editors walked out of the 10th period Advanced Journalism class (also referred to as Spec class) and protested outside of the school. The editors demanded to be paid by the administration for each article they write. Junior and Humor editor Oliver Hollmann stated that, “For working my rear off for this paper, I should receive some sort of tangible benefit. My members already bug me enough with mistakes in their articles.” The editors-in-chief also demanded salaries comparable to the pay of an editor at The New York Times. Their simple requests were rejected by the school administration, who were already pinching pennies after making the temporary IDs free. The school bathrooms would charge $0.50 to enter per use, the escalators would cost $5 per person per school day, and the school would no longer provide computers if the school were to pay the editors.
Spectator members joined the protests shortly thereafter. They asked for homework passes to cover every homework assignment per semester, grades to be curved up mandatorily by 10 to 20 points if below an 80—all on top of monetary compensation. Principal Seung Yu stated, “This is asinine. The Spectator has been completely independent of our funding for nearly three decades. What even is this? They just want to skip homework! And they want us to curve their grades up by 10 to 20 points? At this point, are we even a school anymore? Seriously, are we a college preparatory school or a bank savings account?”

Stuyvesant students reacted with disappointment that their beloved paper would be no more. Freshman Winfred Ira stated, “No! Not our Spectator! And I was meaning to apply! Now what can I brag to my friends about? My Genshin fanfic? I may as well transfer to Bronx Science!” Senior Seetha Ashish said, “The Spectator keeps me up to date on school happenings! What will I do if it’s gone? Now how will I know if Stuy’s football team wins or if Hene Firdos is invited as a guest speaker?”

But alas, it appears that The Spectator will be no more. The pulse of the student body has been removed, and without a pulse, the body is dead. I can no longer provide the pulse on my own, and even I desire the benefits my fellow members and editors seek. Farewell, dear reader.