Humor

Regents Week: Falling Apart as Quickly as the Students

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Every year, there is a hushed silence that falls over Stuyvesant toward the end of December. The students begin behaving a certain way. The look in their eyes is different, not quite as lifeless as they normally are, and the teachers and faculty take notice. Students begin doing the one thing that is much stranger than their usual antics; they’re smiling.

“It truly is a sight! I’m sure I even caught two kids paying attention today. Paying attention—in class!” Dr. Nedwidek-Moore exclaimed.

The time is the most magical of the year. After a full 11 days of winter break, they come back to the last two weeks of the semester and then the golden week: Regents week. Regents week is notorious for being almost equivalent to Winter Recess part two, where students come in to class to take their one-hour final and then waste away in Whole Foods for the rest of the day, convincing themselves they must have been productive because their laptops are open. But this year, the fragility of the school’s restless excitement seemed to be exposed through one whisper in the lunchroom.

“I heard Regents week is a day shorter this year; we don’t have Friday off anymore,” sophomore Lily Peters says to her friend, and in an instant, the entire cafeteria falls silent. One child is escorted out because they began crying too hard. Another is having a frantic conversation with her mother on the phone about transferring schools. Though this truth was bound to be discovered eventually, everyone much rather preferred not knowing. Needless to say, Peters did not come back to school after break, or in fact, ever.

The Student Union was thrown into a frenzied panic at their next meeting, and trying to calmly explain to students that this was out of their control did not seem to be enough. So as most rational people would do, the students of Stuy decided to take the matter into their own hands. And thus began the start of their most brilliant plan yet: overthrowing the Department of Education.

The only thing scarier than an army of sleep-deprived, overworked kids was an of army of sleep-deprived kids willing to miss sleep in order to riot against the board. The harsh reality of it all was that even with an extra day, the same cycle of procrastination until 2:00 a.m., studying on the train ride to the school, and complaining about the final being completely unfair would continue, but the thought of it all was what mattered.

And so, the riot began. Students were found outside the buildings and offices of the Department of Education with pitchforks, scantrons of their lowest test scores pasted to the front, causing one woman to almost pass out at the sight of a 42 percent. “It was the agriculture test for AP Human Geography,” sophomore Adam Fisher explained.

The rioting, marching, and battle for what’s right still continues. Through the harsh winter, as finals are around the corner, and eye bags grow heavier, everyone is hoping that in the end, justice will prevail.