Querida Clara: Issue 2

How to stop thinking of an old crush

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“How to stop thinking of an old crush?” ––Anonymous Junior

Looking to hose the flame? Looking to CRUSH your CRUSH? I understand. Cupid’s arrows wound deep, and at times, no matter how we tug at the shaft, we cannot pry the arrow loose from our hearts. So perhaps we ought not to try. Is it not far more painful to try and yank the arrow out before it is ready to be removed than to simply let the arrow stay lodged within our lovesick bosoms? By and by, when both you and Cupid are ready, the arrow will fall out.

Have I ever told you my Iceberg Theory of Love? Likely not. I will explain it here. Whenever I contemplate the Mystery of Love, an image rises up in my mind—an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg is the part of love that can be seen, and this comprises all the examples of love that you behold each day—couples snogging on park benches, parents bending over strollers to kiss their babies, friends holding hands. All this is the love that we can see. But beneath the surface, hidden many fathoms deep, lies the rest of the iceberg. This part of the iceberg is the love that we cannot see, the love that lies beneath the surface, the love that exists only in our imaginations. Here is the realm of “what if” and “if only,” the rich realm of fantasy.

If love is an iceberg, then I think we seldom grasp more than the tip of it. When I behold young lovers hand-holding or smooching, I know that what I’m seeing is only the very tip of love, a hint to the expanse that lies leagues under, awaiting discovery. The iceberg of love is too enormous to be fathomed. To seek to get rid of a crush too soon is to attempt to move the iceberg with your own two hands, an impossible feat. The best we can do is to let the throes of love throw us, to let Cupid’s arrow lodge itself as long as it will. We must behold the iceberg with wonder.