New Year's Resolutions: Stuy & Celebrity Edition

New year, new you! Have you ever wondered what New Year’s Resolutions celebrities and your peers will come up with? Well, here are some of our predicted New Year’s Resolutions which you can consider to help you make 2025 totally your year. 

Celebrities

• “I will be 64 steps ahead…or perhaps 92. I am always a multiple of two steps ahead, because anything other than even is too odd.” —Nikocado Avocado
• “I will become @therealdonaldtrump’s Fourth Lady. Our first child will be named atX-r3DonJrJrk@$&Viivd.” —Elon Musk, on X  
• “I will stop the drama when I ring.” —KSI
• “I will stop being the inspiration for everyone and everything in the past, present AND future.” —Beyoncé. 
• • To this quote, the people cried, “But we love you, Beyoncé!” She was forced to retract her statement. 
• “I will release 100 more versions of the same song.” —Taylor Swift
• “I will become president in 2028.” —Kamala Harris 
• “I will become president in 2024. I’m serious… Urgleburgle…. Did I take my me-oandcieomaom. I’m serious?” —Joe Biden
• “I will lower the price of EGGS to Zero!! The Woke radical Left has made Dangerous EGGS in their lefty America with TaxPayer Dollars. Only Right Hands in my YMCA ADMINISTRATION like my MESMERIZING MECHANIC @elonmusk! He will Fix the mistakes of the SLEEPY joe Administration. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.” —Donald Trump, on Truth Social
• “I will not hit on married women and try to make them jealous with videos of engaged women.” —Shameik Moore 
• “I will become the more handsome Thanos.” —Thanos from Avengers 
• “I will become the Thanos who can snap.” —(charming) Thanos from Squid Game
• “I will not eat at McDonald’s.” —Luigi Mangione  
• “I will release my antonym album, using Hot Pink #FF46A2. It will be an obedient winter.” —Charli xcx 
• “I will ruin my pop star reputation I built over many years if it means I can canoodle with my schnookums Spongebob.” —Ariana Grande 
• “I will stay relevant for more than a second in 2025. Grah.” —Ice Spice 
• “I will create: ‘Me vs. 50 genuinely compassionate people who use philanthropy to better the world instead of gaining clout on social media for $5,000,000’! *Not Clickbait*. Buy Lunchly!” —Mr. Beast 
• “I will date men who are in my league and not below. That’s that me espressooooh” —Sabrina Carpenter

Stuyvesant High School Resolutions

• “I will not wear the Science Olympiad hoodie every single day.” —Science Olympiad member 
• “I will lock in guys, trust.” —Programming Office
• “I will stop making fun of students from other specialized high schools.” 
• “I will not wait in line at the scanners or escalators.”
• “I will continue to make fun of the Bronx because it’s not even a real place.” —Staten Island students
• “I will not say I did so bad on that test and my life is joever when I get a 98!”
• “I will not hurl my phone because I suck at Brawl Stars and potentially cause another life-endangering fire.” 
• “I will be happy and fulfilled with my life at 345 Chambers St. and not wish I attended my zoned school instead.” 
• “I will not break the 2nd floor printing station.” 
• “I will spend more time with my girlfriend instead of studying for exams 24/7/365.” 
• “I will get a girlfriend.” 
• “I will learn to stop saying ‘I’m cooked’ and ‘I need to lock in’ and ‘I’m cooking’ and ‘I’m locked in.’” —anonymous freshman
• “I will stop wearing the same copy-and-paste North Face Puffer Jacket while thinking I have an original style.” —boys at Stuy
• “I will not put up the fours in all my pictures.” —boys at Stuy (again)
• “I will shower, with soap too.” —boys at Stuy (again, again)
• “I will stop trying to play the hardest piece I know on my instrument with the loudest volume because that only proves I’m the best at being obnoxious.” —band kids
• “I will stop wearing my gym uniform all day.” —(one) senior
• “I will try to drink coffee.” —Celsius and Red Bull addicts 
• “I won’t remind the teacher when they forget to post the homework.”
• “I will stop writing sentences that start with ‘I will’.” —Erin Cho, Eve Lin, and Myles Vuong
• “I will buy gifts for Erin Cho, Eve Lin, and Myles Vuong.” —The Spectator readers