New Names For Stuyvesant High School

Due to the history behind our current namesake, new names are proposed for our high school.

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When our school was opened in 1904, racism and other assorted bigotry were as hip as Kankens are today. Because of this, our school got the dishonor of being named after Peter Stuyvesant, a known anti-Semite (as well as anti-anything-that’s-not-his-religion) and dumb-butt. While having a school full of human disasters is definitely a good legacy for him and seeing him have a mental breakdown over the makeup of today’s student body would be great, I believe that it would be in our school’s best interest to have a new name that is more representative of our school today. I propose:

The Academy Of Running From All Your Responsibilities
Brooklyn Tech 2.0.0
The Democratic People’s Republic of the Student Union
School of Having Sex In Lecture Halls (you know who you are)
Time To Dievesant
Borough Of Manhattan Community Pre-College
The Gabrielle Umanova and/or Kerwin Chen High School (gotta kiss up to my editors somehow)
Juul School
High School With An Incredibly Long Name For The One And Only Purpose Of Making It Easier To Hit The Word Count On Essays Easier
School #1-800-273-8255
Meme Dream Academy
School Of Impending Fears of Failure
Just…name it after my dog. I really don’t care at this point because you know what? There are always going to be people who are racist and anti-Semitic and Islamophobic and all these other things, and I know it’s a good thing to change the name, but darn it, if we don’t do anything else to stand up against them and help the people they screw over, then this is just an empty gesture to make us feel better about ourselves while we don’t do anything to change our subconsciously bigoted actions, isn’t it? Maybe none of this really matters and we are just destined to repeat the same mistakes history makes over and over and over again and God hates us, and I most definitely failed my AP World test. Is this even real or are we just a bunch of programs in a simulation? Honestly it would be better to be a mindless programmed robot because then I wouldn’t have Anxiety
Desapa3to High School