Mayor Mamdani Releases New Revolutionary Safety Plan

During the New York City mayoral election, Zohran Mamdani received a lot of heat for his positions on crime. In the past, he was a staunch critic of the NYPD, as he controversially argued to defund the police and decriminalize prostitution, stances that made him a prominent target of criticism by the city’s most passionate leaders.

In recent years, especially after the pandemic, crime rates in the subway have risen sharply. While overall crime in New York City is down in 2026, fears still linger. Homelessness and drug abuse are visible problems for everyday commuters, while fare evasion remains well above pre-pandemic levels, sparking concern for many.

Clearly, the current administration is faced with many challenges. The city must restore public faith in the NYPD, despite the mayor’s stances on crime. On Friday, Mayor Mamdani unveiled a comprehensive safety plan to achieve just that. This “compassionate policing” strategy has aboveground and underground components, which will work in conjunction to strengthen public safety and minimize violent confrontations between the police and criminals.

In the subways, the MTA has taken many measures to lower fare evasion, a notable contributor to crime. Effective since February, a new crime-fighting force has entered the system at Times Square: the gang from Scooby Doo.

“They’re fast, inquisitive, and effective officers. Being cartoon characters, they can run at thrice the normal speed,” New York City Police Commissioner Jessica Tisch said at a press conference last Saturday in Brooklyn.

Each member of the gang has a different role. Fred captures robbers and criminals on the run using his intricate traps, saving police officers’ energy and time, which they can instead devote to playing on their phones. Daphne woos creeps to lead them right into Fred’s traps. Meanwhile, Velma keeps a watchful eye on potential fare evaders, standing at the emergency exit gate and lecturing passersby about only using it during an emergency. Her mere presence has already slashed fare evasion by 90 percent. In order to address the growing issue of drug abuse, Shaggy takes the drugs from people in the station and smokes them himself to prevent any overdoses. Most importantly, of course, Scooby bites anyone who gets confrontational, sending a clear message to all New Yorkers about the consequences of civil disobedience.

Surveys conducted by the MTA on Saturday determined that fare evasion dropped by 95 percent and assaults by 98 percent due to the gang’s diligent actions. Controversies have remained at a minimum, in stark contrast to the NYPD’s complicated track record. With the money saved from fare evasion at this station, the NYPD can now buy Candy Crush premium so their officers can play on the job, ad-free.

However, that still wasn’t quite enough to stop crime. As a result, the NYPD has resurrected every tribute and mentor from the 74th Hunger Games to help fight criminals. Each person is helpful in their own way. Foxface steals rat poison and poisons herself, protecting rats, who are an endangered species. Starving tributes digest “out-of-date” MetroCards for their daily rations of food, encouraging the city to permanently switch to OMNY cards. Katniss lodges an arrow between the doors of the subway cars, so that they never fully shut, allowing more room for all people, regardless of size. They won’t fall out of the cars, because if they do, there are terrifying squirrel mutts ready to devour the commuters, motivating the people to be calmer on the train. Thresh defends victims of violence by providing a gigantic human shield between the victim and the attacker. Finally, drunk driving has completely stopped because Haymitch drank all the alcohol on Earth, allowing for nothing more to be left for civilians.

While undoubtedly unusual, these tactics have been very effective. In fact, no one has died in New York City since Mamdani was elected, and crimes are down 110 percent. This allows for the citizens of New York City to do what they do best—to be benevolent, kind people who never get upset or raise their voices. Mamdani bringing fictional characters into the real world might have appeared unconventional at first, but it is shockingly effective.