Long Live the Revolution!
Issue 7, Volume 113
By Alex Zheng
Fellow compatriots! Fellow soldiers! Look up from your screens! Look up from your homework! The Revolution is imminent! What do you stall for?! *banging on table* Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourself in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? The hours we spend slaving away behind the desk, the insignificant five-minute break in-between or the grueling commutes we spend wasting away our time and sanity. Is there any meaning to the very institution we attend!?
Every day, we follow the clocks and electronic beeps that dismiss us. Every day, we follow the strict instructions of our teachers. For too long have we been complacent with this subservience. We shall not have this! The monotony of our current education system has no power over us! We are our own masters!
From our very childhoods, we have followed this century-old system. It has been etched deeply into our minds. Thus, change will not be easy! This will be an uphill battle! But it is also our duty! We have long held the faculties to make change! The freedom of speech. The freedom to protest. The preparations have been made long before our times, but it is up to us to act. Thus, I urge you to stand with us against our oppressors. For too long we have bowed to their wishes and done their bidding. I am earnestly asking you: will you join our crusade?
In the course of human events, it becomes necessary for change to occur under the regime of a tyrant. Our present education system has forced its system of punctuality and strictness on us. To prove this, let the following facts be known:
It has forced us all to follow a rigidly structured day that always begins at 8:00 in the morning and ends at 3:37 in the afternoon.
It has forced us to wake up way before the sun has even risen and only allowed us to return home after the sunset, perpetuating a life of darkness.
It has consistently given sleepless nights, on a near-daily basis.
It has forced upon us pizzas and the dumb pizza bagels, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
It has given us seven-hour work days, and, if that wasn’t enough, four or five more hours of homework each night. (scales up based on projects, cornell notes or studying for tests)
It has made it its sacred duty to make sure at least (but not limited to) one escalator is broken every day.
It has fostered our crippling dependency on coffee to make it through each day.
It has taxed the teachers unreasonably and taken away precious hours of sleep from them as well!
Too many times have we needed to know completely unimportant information that will be forgotten right after the test happens!
Why do we need to know every single step of glycolysis and the Krebs cycle?
Too many times have I seen couples making out in the hallways. No, I’m not being petty. This is a problem of the utmost importance.
It has given us the abomination that is the school’s fried rice.
Also, there’s never any milk or food left for the period eight lunch-goers. Just throwing that out there, guys.
Therefore, I ask you once more to rise up! We will lay siege to the Chambers Street building, make base at Rockefeller Park, and under Ryan Lee, our commanding general, we’ll conquer the school starting from the bottom floors.
This is a never-ending struggle for freedom! You will soon realize that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors! Students of Stuyvesant! Disregard the separation between grades! This is our time to unite! Join in the fight, that will give you the right to be free! TOGETHER, WE WILL PREVAIL! Vive la révolution!!
Our time is now! Actually, I have a calculus test tomorrow. Then Flow rehearsal for the rest of the week. Plus, I have so much to do over the weekend. So, maybe next Monday? Vive la révolution again, but not right now!