How Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

An age-old answer to the age-old question.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

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By Sabrina Chen

Our age-old riddle is not one to be taken lightly. Asking someone, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” opens up the possibility for too many things to go wrong. This is not a risk you want to take. Both the chicken and the road have gotten into too many arguments because of this seemingly innocent joke. At any rate, today I hope to be able to answer the lesser-known variant of this question: “How did the chicken cross the road?” There are probably trillions of people out there who can tell you why, but I bet you one whole cookie that no one can tell you how. Whilst I was waiting for the light to permit me across the street, I encountered both the chicken and the road. Things looked like they were getting heated.

“Neil, you knew this would happen,” the road said to the chicken.

“No, Stan. You went snooping in my DMs without my permission. If it were up to me, I would be in Florida by now,” the chicken countered.

“You did this to yourself and you know it. How could you say you love Marlene and then talk to Shalissa right behind her back? This is inexplicable, Neil. If you don't tell her, I will.”

"NO! Stan, you wouldn't. I wasn't going to do anything. I was just in such a bad headspace. I just needed a break from Marlene. You're married, right? You know how it is."

"I actually don't, Neil. Unlike some people, I value my wife. Weren't you the one who asked her to marry you? Well, here you are, proving yourself to be nothing but a chirpy little liar."

Stan the road started on his route to Marlene.

“Stan! Wait! It wasn't what you thought it was.”

“Oh, really? Then please, by all means, explain to me what exactly you think it was. Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you're just a dirty cheat who only cares about yourself. You make me sick, Neil. I don't even have a digestive system, but you make me want to throw up. I thought you were one of the good guys. Turns out you’re a featherbrain just like all the rest. Pack your things and go, Neil. It's all over.”

Oh man, that took a turn, didn't it? Anyway, you guessed it. Stan made his way through the intersections of New York City to Marlene's high-rise apartment, and, yes, she and Neil promptly got divorced. Neil and Stan also grew apart because how could you stay friends with someone who hates the one person they swore to love more than anything? Peculiar, isn't it?

Well, there you have it, folks. It didn't take much for the chicken to cross the road, but boy, did he go above and beyond. I wonder where Neil is now. Maybe he's befriended another boulevard zebra crossing or maybe he's simply turned to not crossing anyone, road or not. That'd be the smarter option. I hope you appreciate having learned the answer to life's most burning question. Join me next time on “Krista Answers Questions You Didn’t Ask”! Good morning and good night, America.