Hey Idiots, Guess Who Got Into a College. That’s Right, Me.

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Issue 13, Volume 111

By Chrisabella Javier 

Cover Image

What’s up, NERDS?

Yeah, I’m talking to you. You, the person who flexed the 99 you got in the class with a 98 average while I was mulling over my 65. You, the person who looked at me weirdly when I came to class 40 minutes late with a frappuccino. You, the teacher who emailed me back about a rec saying, “Please go away. I don’t like you.” (Well, you didn’t say it like that, but I know what you meant, jerk.) You, the guidance counselor who said I had “major self-esteem issues” and needed to “go see a psychologist, I am begging you.” Yeah. All of you.

I got into a COLLEGE.

Yeah, I did.

Hold the applause, I know.

Yes, after finishing all the apps in one day, doing the bare minimum on the Common Application, and writing supplements channeling the lyrical genius of “Family Reunion” by blink-182, I got into, get this, a COLLEGE.

That’s right. Personally, I think what got me in was my personality. Specifically, my humility. I’m incredibly humble. I’m so humble I’ll write an article about it. After, of course, this article. Because I did get into a college. I got the acceptance letter and everything. I paid the admission fee. I clicked on the little blue button that said “ACCEPTED.” I got the big letter in the mail. It had stickers and everything.

Don’t believe me?

I’ve got a picture of the letter. BOOM.