Faculty on Finding the One

Teachers share some searing relationship advice.

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“Believe in yourself and do not let yourself succumb to doubting or thinking that you need somebody else to make you whole. Confidence is sexy.” —Topher Mykolyk, mathematics/computer science

“So I have two pieces of advice:

1. If you like someone and have a feeling they may like you back, go for it. The worst that can happen is them saying no. Rejection stinks, but take it as a learning experience.

2. If you find yourself in a relationship, it’s important to learn how to maintain it. That feeling of euphoria is fleeting; you will eventually regress to your baseline happiness, and when that happens, people get bored. Spontaneous dates, elaborate gifts, quirky messages. Try it all out. Put in the work. Even if it wasn’t meant to be or it doesn’t work, it gives you ideas for future relationships.” —David Peng, mathematics

“My relationship advice is first of all to not feel pressured to pursue any relationships until it’s something you want. It’s totally normal for folks to take as much time as they need and it is okay if you’re in a relationship now; it’s also okay if you’re not in a relationship now; it’s also okay if you’re never in a relationship ever! ” —DiCo, social studies

“Never ever be afraid to express your opinion to somebody, even if it means you’re disagreeing with that person. Because whether it is a relationship that is a romantic or a platonic relationship, it can’t possibly be that good of a relationship if you can’t express yourself freely and again, even if that requires disagreeing with somebody.” —Manny Ramirez, French

“Find somebody who accepts you for who you are rather than try to change for that person. Life will be easier.” —Gary Rubinstein, mathematics

“Find someone who is very positive, or someone who can bring you a positive impact instead of someone who always complains. Find someone who encourages you and gives you constructive suggestions.” — Shu Shi, Mandarin

“Assume the best intentions. Ask for clarifications.” —Xingjia Tang, mathematics

“If you’re a piece of [EXPLETIVE], then the relationship is a piece of [EXPLETIVE] on both ends. At my old school there was a point [when] I felt like I had to do everything on my own because I didn’t trust anyone else to do it. I realized that I was putting that on, that was my own burden and that was also saying that I don’t trust anyone else. A lot of people do that in their romantic relationships: they are stoic about being mistreated, they’re not really saying anything good about themself. You’re saying you won’t stand up for yourself and you’re saying that you don’t care enough about the relationship to stand up for yourself. Don't let that little voice inside win.” —Bill Wrigley, art

“If it’s a romantic relationship, partners share everything, from an economic perspective, equally. So one person should never pay for the other person ever, even if one person has a lot more money than the other person, because then, you know, the power structure seems really shifted, and so, you’re really not equal. Now, occasionally one person might want to pay for the other person, but you should keep a ledger to make sure that it’s always balanced. I know that sounds really creepy and obsessive, but what better way to start on equal footing and maintain that if everyone is sharing the wealth equally?”—Jerry Citron, Biology

“A lot of times people get in trouble in love by trying to be someone that they’re not. If you can be yourself, then you’ll find someone who will be very kind to you, and that’s important.” —Josina Dunkel, social studies

“The big thing to remember is to figure out what you need, and to be ready for [a relationship]. It’s high school so it’s not that serious, you’re still figuring out who you are. If you find one, have fun, but there’s no point in characterizing yourself as loveless souls; you’re loved by many people and there’[re] so many more people to love than just one person. There’s no harm in taking your time; with everything other than just relationships like college or summer programs there is no need to rush.” —Jeffrey Wan, Physics

“I think if it’s a healthy relationship that makes you happy and that person is respectful of you and adds to your life and supports you, then yes, it is worth it. But if it’s hurtful to you, if it isolates you from your friends, if it prevents you from doing well in school and feeling good about what you’re doing in school, then it’s not worth it. It’s very hard to internalize this when you’re feeling the pain of rejection, but the reality is that it feels good to be with someone who supports you and wants to be with you, and if someone rejects you and doesn’t want to be with you, it’s ultimately better for you not to try to win over that person; it’s going to drag you down.” —Maura Dwyer, English

“1) Don’t imagine what a relationship should be. Sometimes, when we project expectations onto a relationship, we try to force it to fit the narrative of our “ideal relationship.” This can keep us from appreciating what our partner has to offer.

2) We are not defined by our relationship status. There is so much to discover, so much to be joyful about in life; surround yourself with individuals who are open and joyful. Be open and joyful. You will find that the world (and others) open up to you, too.” —Rosa Mazzurco, English

“A piece of advice that my cousin’s wife gave us on our wedding day: she told me to remember, when things got difficult, always remember what made me fall in love with him. Always remember a very special moment, so when I felt angry, frustrated, try to remember what made me love him. It would help me get through, and it has worked.” —Brenda García, social studies

“Be patient and be brave. If you don’t feel ready now, that’s okay! You don’t have to rush things” —Sarah Kornhauser, guidance counselor

“Find someone you have good chemistry with.” —Kristyn Pluchino, Chemistry