Disney World decided to raise its prices (again)! Here’s why this means you should now have even more motivation to visit

The Walt Disney World Resort (™) in Orlando, Florida, has proposed some changes to its parks because it thought that its prices were a bit too low. They decided to make some magical additions to your bill! 

1. $3.02 for every second you spend with a character on a Disney Property.

That’s right—character meet and greets will be a bit more special now, especially for your wallet. In fact, each minute you spend with a single character will add over $180 to your bill! Don’t worry—this just makes the experience feel even better. You know, to savor your time with your favorite characters, since the clock is ticking! For example, you could meet Cinderella in her magical castle for four precious minutes! During this experience, you may see and touch the glass slipper, mingle with the evil stepsisters, and even shrink to the size of mice—Cinderella’s only friends. Only $720 for a character experience is a steal these days, but there are some add-ons to drive up the price! One example of this is the famous “Fairy Godmother Package.” This includes having your clothing magically made far nicer and riding away from the castle in a magical floating pumpkin. With this in mind, the $3000 price hike makes sense, and it’s not too outlandish. Even though Disney charges by the second for the time one uses this add-on, we highly recommend you do it!!!

2. Fairytale Pillows (™)

Have you ever wanted to sleep in your favorite fairytales? No? Well, too bad—now you can! Introducing Fairytale Pillows (™) (only available at hotels on Disney property). One might wonder—why should I spend my hard-earned money on pillows? We definitely understand your perspective, but we have some details that might make you want to reconsider. When sleeping on these pillows, your head plugs into a special pillow-outlet, allowing you to watch your favorite Disney movies in your dreams! These are entirely safe, and most people will not get electrocuted! In fact, we especially recommend these for small children, who might not want to leave the Disney parks during the day to go to sleep. 

Let’s hear from satisfied customer Samantha Shamazov: “Yeah, it was like sleeping, but like, elevated. I really, like, enjoyed, like, like, watching the movie, and it low-key felt like I was, like, awake, like I did not sleep a wink. However, my like eight children were quiet, and like they had been like loud like before. I think like two or three of them might have died, but like I didn’t really know them like, anyway.” 

With such an innovative addition, there is, of course, a bit of a price. It’s $500 per room per night, and each time comes with 10 special pillows. How magical! 

3. Glitter poo (™)

Have you ever been in the bathroom with your child and heard them say, “My poo-poo’s just not colorful enough?” Well, introducing Glitter poo (™). With Glitter poo (™), your child can have more sparkly excrement! It’s tasty, safe, and fun for the whole family. Simply swallow a unique Disney pill provided to you by any Disney cast member, and you’re good to go! This pill comes in the form of any food you would like! It can be a hamburger, a hot dog, candy, ice cream, you name it! For the low price of $179.99, you too can try Glitter poo (™) today! For an extra price, you can make it look like any of your favorite Disney characters, including Belle, Donald Duck, Cinderella, and, of course, Mickey Mouse. While they might not actually look like them, they might in your delusions caused by lack of sleep! Certain side effects may include nausea, dizziness, sudden swelling in random places (such as the wrists, knees, or scalp), headaches, hot flashes for those of all ages and genders, internal bleeding, kidney and liver problems, and heart failure. But don’t worry—all of those are relatively rare and harmless, a mere one in 30 chance!

4. Expensive Meals

For a brand new, limited edition breakfast in Magic Kingdom by the brand new Disney sewer system, you will have to pay a mere $279.99 per person, per minute, per breath! This is a GREAT deal, needless to say, and it’s even 75 percent off its original price. But why is eating by the sewer system so wonderful? Well, the famous Mickey Mouse grew up there in a poor rodent family before his rise to stardom! Food at this breakfast experience will include Mickey Mouse-shaped waffles, cheese, and even a special box of Cheerios with Mickey’s face on it! Mickey grew up a humble mouse with 47 mouse-siblings. His family was poor, but he was a growing star and partnered with Walt Disney in cartoons. These were so successful that he made movies, and then Disney Parks! But he never lost his roots, and he still loves his family. Now, we get to love them too! What a wonderful experience! Eating right outside of Mickey’s childhood home for that price isn’t terrible at all…

And best of all…

5. Disney Hunger Games!

Would you like to have a magical, adults-only stay in Disney World? Simply volunteer your child for the Disney World Hunger Games! We are all-inclusive, and we will accept any child under 18 years of age! The only catch: they don’t actually die! Bummer, I know. Instead, this Hunger Games is an eating competition, in one of Disney World’s famous buffets! Challah French Toast, Belgian Waffles, Eggs, and Potatoes—the options are endless and delectable! Also, unlike the Hunger Games you may be familiar with, we are very selective—the odds are NOT in your favor to be picked. We only take one boy and one girl for each age, and our picks are based solely on nepotism and bribery! The losers get full stomachs, and the winners? They get diabetes! To apply for this competition, you must pay a small fee of 37,000 dollars and 73 cents per cell (and I assume each child doing this is a multicellular organism). We are so excited to have your kids, and you should be excited for that kid-free vacation!

Disney has always been a vacation destination, meant for people of all ages and social classes. Despite the slight price increases, Disney World remains magical, maybe even more so! The new experiences are more than enough motivation to go visit Disney World! It’s great to know that Disney World is still for all, regardless of income. Though it is not as cheap as it used to be, these changes are so incredible that the price going up won’t even matter—it’s all worth it!