Dear Incoming Stuyvesant Class of 2022…The Spectator Has Advice!

According to a recent survey, 56 percent of the incoming class of 2022 created a Facebook account within the first week of being admitted into Stuyvesant. Most were added to the Dear Incoming Stuyvesant Class of 2022….We Have Advice! group, and within hours, they were subjected to a constant stream of advice from upperclassmen. However, it is well known that Facebook is an unreliable source, and as upperclassmen ourselves, we have decided to share our own advice. I’m sorry, did we say upperclassmen? We meant current freshmen. You can trust us though! We have got seven whole months of experience at Stuyvesant under our belts.

On Having a Normal Sleep Schedule? One Can Dream

We are sure you have heard of the high school life triangle, where you can only have two out of the following three: sleep, good grades, and a social life. Luckily, Stuyvesant does not have a heavy workload. There are only about five to six, seven maximum, hours of homework each night, not including time needed to study for the many, many difficult tests you will receive. But don’t panic! As long as you don’t participate in any extracurriculars, go straight home, and don’t make any friends, these five to six hours are not too much to handle.

On The Stuyvesant Scholar Lifestyle and That One Kid Who is Annoyingly Perfect

As one of the most elite schools in the city, perhaps even in the country, there is no doubt that there are great scholars at Stuyvesant. But don’t worry, it’s simple for you to be a scholar too! Sure, that kid in bio class gets 100s on all his tests, but that’s no reason for you to feel inferior. And sure, there is that girl who participates in three clubs, chorus, two PSAL teams, has a 98 average, and a regular and healthy sleep cycle. But these people will just motivate you to become a better student! They definitely won’t give you crippling depression as you realize your incompetence and lack of talent and ability.

On The Way to Become Your Guidance Counselor’s BFF on Day One

A favorite PSAL sport here at Stuyvesant is trying to convince the program office to rearrange your entire schedule to avoid a teacher you have heard rumors about on Facebook. As incoming freshmen, it is never too early to start training. Read up on all of the freshmen teachers at Stuyvesant, and make sure you are familiar with the horror stories from some random upperclassman who you don’t know anything about as a student. If you are lucky, the upperclassmen will create a spreadsheet with every teacher, labeling them all so you know who to avoid. Also, be sure to ignore the people telling you that every student has a different experience with each teacher because who are they anyway? If worse comes to worst, make sure to tell your guidance counselor that you are romantically attracted to your teacher so that you have a 99 percent chance of transferring out of that class and a 100 percent chance of creating a bad impression on the counselor who will write your college recommendations.

On The Worst Part of a Stuyvesant Student’s Day

Stuyvesant has 10 floors, with different departments on each one. You won’t break your legs climbing up the stairs, but you will climbing up the broken escalators that seem to have absolutely no purpose in the building. Sometimes, two consecutive ascending escalators won’t work, and you’ll spend the passing time between classes just questioning your existence. However, you’ll just tell yourself that these hourly workouts will make you a fit, unstoppable, healthy machine by the end of the year. But we all know you’ll get bubble tea everyday, leading you to question why you’re so out of shape even after alllll thoseeeee stairssssss. Pretty soon, you will be able to see the look of despair on a student’s face, and without a doubt, you will know that that escalator is broken. But don’t fret, they’ll all be working once Parent Teacher Conferences come around, and your parents will see what a breeze getting to class is.

On Getting that Much-Needed Fuel

Now that you are a high schooler, you are an adult who can go out during your lunch period and buy yourself a meal. Besides the fact that every time you go out to lunch you will almost be late to your next-period class, lunch is a blast! Got some cash as a present from that one uncle you don’t know that well? Looking to blow it all in a week? Try eating at one of the following places during your lunch! Brookfield has expensive options with long lines, especially during rush hour. But if you push everyone out of your way and run back to school while eating your $15 meal, going to Brookfield becomes an enjoyable experience. Make sure to go to Ferry’s and Terry’s for quick deli food, and not know which is which until well into your second semester. Also, stand out in the freezing cold while munching on your BLT because you can’t come back inside the building until the end of the period!

On Forever Alone Flower Sales

During the holiday seasons, the Indicator hosts flower sales for you to send flowers to your teachers, friends, or significant other. It’s the time when one girl in your homeroom gets five red rose bouquets and you receive two carnations, one from your only friend and one from your lovely Big Sibs. You can also over evaluate the type of flower you received, because a red rose is obviously different from a white carnation! Plus, you get to live through the awkward conversation of asking that one friend if they want a flower without knowing if you will receive one in return. Don’t worry, though! Fewer flowers means you have fewer dying plants to haul from class to class. And definitely don’t sulk. If you are lucky, that one girl will have too many roses, and she might just give one to you. Plus, with all the extra cash you saved by not getting people flowers, you can buy some Kleenex for your sorrows. Or for your allergies from all that pollen. Either one.

Even though we’re extremely reliable, every Stuyvesant student is different, even if 99 percent of us are of Asian descent. We hope we have reassured your worries about starting at the hardest high school in the city, but honestly, we know that you will spend the rest of eighth grade worrying about September. See you then!