Clowning on Junior SING!

They got shafted! At least, that’s what the juniors told us.

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Junior SING! 2022 really put the “hat” in “yeah, I guess that was a show?” That is to say, they sucked lol. No, I kid, I kid. Junior SING!’s production went against the odds, with the script going through 300 rounds of half-hour cuts only eight minutes before the Thursday show. A scriptwriter on the crew asserted that “the original script involved Lianne Ohayon in an elephant costume. We actually planned on cutting the elephant part, but Lianne said that she would ‘literally murder’ all of us if she didn’t go on stage. In the end, she only murdered half of us.”

Oh yeah, the plot! The circus workers do their best to put on the “big show” that will save their circus from something that only writers from a school with a 50 percent poverty rate would think of: an eviction notice.

Among the cast of Junior SING! were an array of wacky characters, including a ringleader, psychic, clown, and normal guy in flannel and boots. Speaking of characters, Junior SING! starred ringleader Berry Ongan and stressed-out Stuyvesant student Zach, whose megalomania was shrouded by the trance–inducing nature of their vocal talents. Emily Young-Squire played Opal, a psychic whose powers operate on a “does the plot need me?” basis. There was also Max Hesse as Sean, a ventriloquist whose mouth is covered by a mask, and Zoe Buff as the character whose name and circus role I do not remember. I do recall that there was something about rampant elephants…

They should have really brought in some live animals. I’m sure all of us would have enjoyed it! Besides, the animal actors would have kept the juniors too occupied to make so many roasts toward the SophFrosh and Senior SING!s, something that I’m sure all of us would have enjoyed. I like my jokes how I like my steak—not dry. So 0.5/5 stars for Junior SING! on that aspect.

Although the Spectator has received reports that there was a chorus for Junior SING!, the auditory evidence is undeniable: it simply did not exist.