Humor

Bill Wurtz’s “history of the entire world, i guess” Causes Record-High AP Scores

A hopeless sophomore doomed to fail his AP World History exam is enlightened with Bill Wurtz’s immense knowledge and aces it, subsequently resulting in very high scores across the country.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Cover Image
By Klaire Geller

A sophomore lay around in a dimly lit room the very night before the AP World History exam. He was panicking because there were less than six hours before the exam, and he had not so much as set his eyes on the first page of the Barron's book.

His palms were sweaty, his knees were weak, and his arms were heavy. He was gorging on a pint of chocolate ice cream and silently weeping. Throughout this ordeal, he took the time to ponder whether attending college was even necessary.

Even in his over-the-top emotional state, he was able to multitask like the classic Stuyvesant student: simultaneously looking through his Facebook feed and wiping the endless stream of snot on his face.

After a bit of scrolling, he saw a new video on the trending tab. Not having anything else to do, besides a bit of online shopping to add to his fidget spinner and male romper collection, he decided to click on the link. In an instant, he was directed to a video by Bill Wurtz titled “history of the entire world, i guess.”

He felt a flush of relief; Wurtz must have made this video just for the AP World exam. Immediately, he played the video. Sitting through roughly 19 minutes of world history, the video filled his puny mind with enough knowledge for the test. He was sure of it.

During the exam the next day, he walked in calm and ready. As he quickly advanced through the test, he came upon a tough question: “What came to Buddha’s mind after sitting under a tree for a week?” A lightbulb literally formed above his head to the dismay of many students around him. The answer was obvious: “you could make a religion out of this.” He violently bubbled in that choice, almost ripping the paper and creating a hole as big as the one in his soul.

He came out of the test feeling confident that he did well. Weeks went by, and soon enough, school was out. As he returned to his dark bedroom to sign up for his 15th AP, he received a notification on his phone saying that AP scores came out. He rushed to check his score, as this would decide whether or not his parents would disown him. To his great delight, he “copped” a five.

The news that evening reported amazing AP World History exam scores across the country: the highest scores that the College Board had seen in years. It was announced that Wurtz’s video was the source of this success. He had helped write the test and took it upon himself to enlighten the desperate sophomores who needed a last-minute overview of the curriculum.

The College Board has expressed great delight in Wurtz's teaching abilities, deeming him the “Less-of-a-dub Khan Academy.”

Wurtz has even recently announced that he will be working on a separate video, exclusively for AP United States History. This announcement was received with a great deal of support and encouragement, yet many complain that they wish Wurtz decided to make it sooner.