Avengers: The Ghost of a Phone
Farewell? No. I will haunt you for the rest of your life and ensure that you will never have any rizz.
Reading Time: 4 minutes
TL;DR: I’m dead.
Should I introduce myself first? Unlike most of my brethren who have no name of their own, I was very luckily given a name by my owner (because as a Bronx Science transfer, he’s just built different and not like the other dudes). My name is Rizz and I am an iPhone X. My owner gave me the name Rizz because he has none and was hoping to rizz up some girls with me. After his parents gave me to him as a reward for being a nerd and getting a score only two points above the Bronx Science cutoff line on the SHSAT, the first app he downloaded on me was Tinder. Unfortunately, every girl he tried flirting with (using techniques from WikiHow and pickup lines from Reddit) blocked him right away after seeing his photos of him with greasy hair, dressed in his Costco outfits.
He was out of luck finding a girl at Bronx Science as well. With no friends, no women, and no deodorant, he spent his free periods sitting in a hallway, typing on me furiously, his face an uncomfortable two inches away from mine. He decided to come to Stuy because he overheard other dudes in the locker room talking about how Stuy is full of hot girls. At first, he questioned the validity of this information. But after going to a girls’ swimming game between Bronx Science and Stuy and using me to take at least 50 photos of the opposing team, he immediately informed his parents that he had decided to take the SHSAT again to transfer to Stuy the next year—which he did.
After being admitted, he auditioned for Chorus because he didn’t want to take Music Appreciation. Though he couldn’t hit a single note quite right, Ms. Shamazov still approved his joining the Oratorio Choir because she knew at first sight that he was the type to quit immediately after getting the music graduation requirement (so that he could take five different STEM AP classes in junior year). She would only have to deal with this guy who does not know what hygiene is for one year. So naturally, my owner was not the most enthusiastic about this class. Every class, after the attendance was taken, he would always quietly unzip his roller backpack to pull me out of the depths of random papers that he shoved in there, then play Fortnite on me for the entirety of the period behind his chorus binder.
But then one day, everything changed—I was killed.
I was told by other students’ phones on the first day of school that there is a cemetery of phones in the chorus room. Ms. Shamazov has always held a deep hatred toward all electronic devices, to the point where she calls herself “allergic to phones.” If any student is spotted on their phone during class, she will brutally kill the phone and throw their remains into the bin which she calls “the phone cemetery.” One day when she finally noticed me held by my owner (he was RPing on Discord, by the way), she scowled and yelled, “Hand that over!”
Knowing what I was about to face, I was so terrified that I started to lag and twitch like crazy. If I had a mouth, I would be screaming and begging my owner to not hand me to her. Unfortunately, my speaker cannot do that. He handed me to Ms. Shamazov without even saying a last goodbye.
And I was forever abandoned in the phone cemetery.
However, even after I died (because my owner never summed up the guts to tell his parents that he was using me in class and I got taken away by the teacher), my soul is still free to wander. I have no idea why a phone would have a soul. It’s probably either because Elon Musk put a special chip with ChatGPT implanted in me, or I was influenced by the aura of the Hudson Staircase and experienced a genetic mutation where the submissive traits in my DNA became dominant. I became some sort of a ghost-like existence. Though my body remains in the phone cemetery in the chorus room with all the other dead phones, I can still randomly float around the school and stalk students with phones that have Genthin Impact or Star Rail cases and themes. The best part of being a ghost is that I no longer need to be charged every 10 minutes. So now I just play NewJeans songs on loop 24/7 with max volume, not having to worry about my battery dying 20 seconds into the song—oh, wait, that’s why I don’t run out of battery anymore. I’m already dead, so I can’t “die” again.
As revenge for his betrayal, I now haunt my previous owner every night. I go into his dreams and show him his Jupiter Ed page with all failing grades, or a freshman-made Instagram confessions page post calling him out by name and gagging about how nasty and unhygienic he looks. I always enjoy watching him sob and howl afterward. Recently, I discovered that as a spirit, I am able to possess other electronic devices. So I’m also planning on possessing his computer later in the year after he takes the SAT and showing him a score of 1480, which I know for sure would make him lose all hopes in life. And then in senior year, I’ll change all the college acceptances in his e-mail into rejection letters and watch him cry in misery and hopelessness.
Oh, and of course, I will make sure that he never acquires any form of rizz. He deserves to be alone for the rest of his life with only the company of online friends he met through Discord RP and random Vtubers whom he simps over. Perhaps one day, I will even turn them against him… I will make all of his greatest fears come true.