2025’s Brand New Resolutions

For many Stuy students, the onset of winter comes with mixed feelings. On one hand, break is almost here, providing a respite from the totally debilitating mental pain induced by pop quizzes and homework. On the other hand, winter is the festive time when tests get harder and homework becomes tedious. Sigh. But most importantly, it’s time for New Year’s resolutions! Every year, Stuyvesant students write down their list of promises for the new year and every year, we watch as they wallow in despair, realizing they have failed… yet again.

Here are the most popular resolutions at Stuy.

Become an Academic Weapon

No doubt, this is always one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions. Every Stuy student has at least once uttered the dreaded words, “This time, I’m going to be an academic weapon!” Once January comes along, you can be sure everyone you know is determined to save their GPA before the semester ends. Every student is using their holiday money to buy new stationery, planners, and ridiculously expensive subscriptions to various websites such as Grammarly Pro and Quizlet Plus. These websites are most definitely not used for any kind of academic dishonesty. 

By the second week of January, everyone will be back to studying for tests the morning of and cramming all their loose papers into a messy, overly heavy backpack that will almost definitely cause severe back pain later in life. “I don’t know how my back is gonna survive until senior year,” sophomore Sophie Moore said. “But if I can maintain my 4.5 GPA, then the scoliosis is definitely worth it.”

Get 10 Hours of Sleep a Night

An impossible feat indeed. Every year, Stuy students attempt to break the negative stereotype regarding their sleep habits, before proceeding to fail horrendously at it, instead staying up to cry or cram for their 40 AP classes—or both. Even on the rare occasion that Stuy students have free time, they spend it all scrolling on Instagram Reels instead of engaging in productive activities. Could these stereotypes be broken? Will we one day be able to get to the recommended eight to 10 hours of sleep for teenagers? Perchance. The odds of someone achieving this are miniscule, yet we continue to have this as one of our most common New Year’s resolutions.

Overcome a Brawl Stars Addiction

One thing that a terribly large amount of Stuy students have in common is that they are obsessed with Brawl Stars. The Brawl Stars addiction is spreading through the school even faster than whooping cough. You’re walking in the hallway? People will be talking about Brawl Stars. You’re breaking your legs trying to get from the first floor to the tenth floor during the four minutes of passing? Your friend will go up to you and start endlessly yapping about Brawl Stars. 

The addiction is so bad that there’s a club at Stuy dedicated solely to playing this mobile game. It’s only reasonable for students to try and overcome this, given how this Brawl Stars craving is negatively affecting their social lives and ability to touch grass. However, the only issue is that the second a Stuy student quits for a day, they suffer from intense withdrawal symptoms, such as an irrational phobia of grass and being strangely drawn to any kind of blue light. “I need to play Brawl Stars; it’s actually killing me not to,” an anonymous student—currently working to overcome their addiction—said. “I was so close to unlocking all of the brawlers and now I can’t. Ugh.” Quitting can be a bit of a double-edged sword, but if you believe in yourself, you can most definitely overcome your addiction!

Get Into College

This resolution is especially common among seniors, since they’re all in the middle of fighting for their lives in the college admissions process. However, a surprising amount of freshmen have put this on their New Year’s resolutions list as well. 

One exceedingly motivated freshman, Tray Ard, started a club for freshmen looking to get a head start in the college game. “It’s really important that students start looking into colleges as early as possible,” Ard explained. “In fact, we’re currently starting a program to help toddlers between the ages of three and four perfect their college resumes and prepare them for both college interviews and future jobs.” 

Some freshmen have even resorted to somehow finding jobs and internships for their college applications despite the fact that they’ve only been at Stuy for a mere four months. “I have to get into a top 20 school,” freshman Willy Makeit said. “So if I can get this internship, I’m basically guaranteed to get in. Besides, I go to THE Stuyvesant High School. That should be enough for the admissions officers to accept me, right? And it’s fine if I literally only apply to top 20 schools, right? RIGHT?”

Though it may be a bit complicated for the freshmen to achieve their college resolutions this year, we wish the seniors the best of luck in their college endeavors!

Although many students will be resigning themselves to several failed resolutions this year, it is still possible for some students to miraculously complete their resolutions with enough hard work and perseverance. As long as students don’t procrastinate on them the way they procrastinate on their homework, it is possible for these resolutions to be achieved before 11:59 p.m. on December 31, 2025. If you ever get discouraged, imagine the endless fame you’d get here for reaching the nearly unfeasible yet totally realistic goals you’ve set for yourself. Happy New Year’s!