12 Days Until Halloween

Michael Myers Gets Hired

Reading Time: 4 minutes

October 19. Twelve days until Halloween. Today is Michael Myers’s birthday. The Babysitter Killer himself has moved all the way from Illinois to the greatest city on Earth. In New York, Myers is looking forward to a land of new opportunities. You see, this is NOT your traditional boogeyman. Michael Myers had turned over a new leaf. Instead of chasing and murdering teenagers for fun, he now chases and murders teenagers for money. 

October 20. Eleven days until Halloween. Michael Myers has moved into Hell’s Kitchen, New York. After recently finding out that Hell’s Kitchen was, in fact, a real place and not a fictional city from Marvel Comics, he decided to move into an appropriately named neighborhood that he would wreak havoc on. 

October 21. Ten days until Halloween. Michael Myers has received his first job. His employer, who chose to be anonymous, instructed him to kill his first target: the biggest clown on earth. But the clown’s not even a human. Hell, it’s not even from Earth.

October 22. Nine days until Halloween. Michael Myers is apparently not that good at using technology. Who would have thought that murdering your sister and getting sent to a psychiatric hospital would leave you struggling in the wake of the technological boom? However, Michael Myers is NOT a quitter. He never backs down, and he would never give up. This man was not shot in both of his eyes just to give up on his first job because he didn’t know how to use the Google search engine. So, on this day, he went to the nearest library so he could enroll in “How to use Technology 101” classes with the elderly population. 

October 23. Eight days until Halloween. Michael Myers made his first friend today. She is an elderly woman named Taryn. Taryn taught Michael how to use ad-blockers and VPNs, and how to track IP addresses without getting caught by police. Michael didn’t have many friends—killing family members and traumatizing teenagers in towns does that to you. But unlike many of those people, Taryn didn’t care about the mask Michael wore. The other elders sat far away from Michael during tech classes, but Taryn sat next to Michael at all times, with no fear of the mask. Taryn was also blind, but that’s not important. It did make knowing  how to do all these things on a computer impressive, though.

October 24. Seven days until Halloween. Michael Myers ate at this restaurant called “Dave’s Hot Chicken” for the first time. He got the reaper, the hottest sandwich on the menu, but he didn’t feel any burn at all. He realized it was only him who had a tolerance for spice when he saw a group of teenagers, with the same sandwich, in physical distress. He had an urge to go back to his old ways, but remembered he’s a businessman now.

October 25. Six days until Halloween. Michael Myers finally found out who this “it” is. It, also known as Pennywise, the dancing clown, is a killer clown entity who has killed… TEENAGERS AS WELL??? Michael was distraught. There was someone who thought they could do his job better than him? Unacceptable. It will be killed as soon as possible. 

October 26. Five days until Halloween. Michael Myers has begun doing reconnaissance at Stuyvesant High School, the new home of Pennywise. Impressed with Pennywise’s ability to get a job in such a competitive environment, Myers almost admired it. Almost. 

October 27. Four days until Halloween. Michael Myers saw Pennywise in the streets today, but it wasn’t how he thought it would be like. Pennywise wore a suit and tie, and he was well-mannered, greeting people on the street and … not eating teenagers? Michael was caught off guard. He didn’t expect a killer like him to be this reformed. Instead of hatred, he felt intrigued. He was going to visit Pennywise at Stuyvesant High School tomorrow and confront him about his new life.

October 28. Three days until Halloween. Michael Myers realized Stuyvesant isn’t open on Saturday. He’ll go back on Monday.

October 29. Two days until Halloween. Michael Myers had to wait another day. It’s Sunday. He hung out with Taryn. It was nice.

October 30. One day until Halloween. Michael Myers visited Stuyvesant High School. He expected many to be terrified by his presence, but many of the students thought it was just another classmate with a strange kink for “Dress as Your Type” day. Through these fortunate circumstances, it was easy for Michael to get to Pennywise and ask him about its life, and to his surprise, it seemed happy. Pennywise became a faculty member at Stuyvesant, and while he faced much backlash at first, he became accepted into this loving community as the number one health teacher in the New York public education system. This conversation opened Michael Myers’s eyes. There was no point in murdering teenagers anymore. He could teach them, which may not be as fun for him but would  still be satisfying. Pennywise opened not only Myers’s eyes but his heart. 

October 31. Halloween. Today is the day that Michael Myers is supposed to kill Pennywise. But it is 9:42 p.m., and he hasn’t left his house. He can’t bring himself to kill such a great… it (?) All those teenagers he killed were light work, but Pennywise is a true good clown. On this day, Michael Myers will apply to become a Physical Education teacher, so he can teach Track. And all these life changes can be traced back to Derry, Maine’s main attraction itself, Pennywise. Michael Myers may have terrorized the Halloween season for decades, but it’s October 31, 2023, and you know what that means. Stuyvesant High School has rehabilitated another villain.